Update - many years later

Finally I managed to recover this blog - that was painful! 

Anyway ... 

Recently I was chatting to a Top and he suggested I write some more in this blog and while I haven’t done a lot of late there are a few “adventures" I had that predate the entries I made for Master Himself. And even a couple after.

I’d always planned I should include these so I thought no time like the present to make a start 

Additionally as I'm now changing the theme to include non-BDSM sex adventures I have renamed it 25-08-2023

I will post them in their chronological place, but as they are being written many years after the events, in the present day will also update this entry with links to them, at least to begin with.

Please note that dates from the previous millenium will probably be either accurate to a year or two or not even that being no more than guesswork.  To that end I will date such items with whatever year seems reasonable - for the last day of the year and for midnight. 

2012 :Comments from a reader
http://secockney.blogspot.com/2023/08/comments-from-reader.html

29 APRIL 2006: Hastings Trip Sat 29 Apr 2006
http://secockney.blogspot.com/2006/04/hastings-trip-sat-29-apr-2006.html

Dec 1990: My First Boyfriend
https://secockney.blogspot.com/1990/12/blog-post.html

July 1990: A Boyfriend? 
https://secockney.blogspot.com/1990/07/a-boyfriend.html

1988-9: Early outings 2
https://secockney.blogspot.com/1989/12/early-outings-2.html

Mid to late 80s: Early outings 1
https://secockney.blogspot.com/1985/12/early-outings.html

Early 70s to Mid 80s: Teenage years and early twenties
https://secockney.blogspot.com/1984/12/teenage-years-and-early-twenties.html

Early 1970s :The Beginning – a long time ago
http://secockney.blogspot.com/1972/12/the-beginning-long-time-ago.html

Comments from a reader

Having decided to revitalise this Blog I finally managed to sign in and found this "Draft" It seems to be a reply to an email or message (probably on Recon?) I sent in which I'm guessing I said I wasn't into some stuff or wasn't very experienced perhaps ...

Anyway it was dated 2012 so thought i'd include it here from today 18 Aug 2023!

"Thanks for telling me about the blog entry.

Your a genuine guy, not a fraud in any way.

Any half decent top would try and assess how much you can take by e.g. discussion/ or reading your actions when domming you. To go only by pics would be foolish of them.

And your no coward, you've taken pain before and coped. Any guy that subs has to assess they're own abilities, that's just sound judgement. "


"I think your being too hard on yourself! "

"Well at least you are honest which is can be more than said for a lot of people on this site. Everyone has a different threshold when it comes to pain and there are people I have met who get off just on CP and taking it as hard as they can then walk away. There are others where it is more about handing over control for periods of time. I know from the one and only time I played with you that you mark very easily and therefore any mild play can make it look like you have been given a good thrashing. I definitely don't think you fit into the CP only brigade but someone who want more than that. The only problem is that there are lots of tops out there who call themselves tops but actually when it comes to it they just like the thrill of dishing out pain and wouldn't have the faintest idea of how to develop beyond that. How do I know? I started off as a bottom into CP and could take quite a bit but for me I wanted more, whacking someone's arse gets boring after a time"

Review of the year (particularly the last bit)

Well what to say? I've apologised so many times about not keeping this blog up to date that it is pointless to do it again. I do feel guilty about it, but when you are busy at work and so on finding the time and the motivation isn't easy.

When I started it, it was in response to the Master I was seeing having one himself and his encouraging me to do similar as a way of expressing myself and of his being able to see how I was feeling about what we were doing.

You know if you've read through those early times how I was enjoyed the learning experience, but adjusting to the idea of serving, particularly in adjusting my behaviour, or altering my look in ways which I hadn't considered before, was taking time. But I think I was getting there when that Master's work went manic and I never got to spend the time I needed with him.

So eventually I started looking for other people. I found the Master in East London who wanted so much and also wanted it yesterday, this including wanting me to have larger tits which he wanted to stretch, lower hanging balls which again he was going to stretch, and a tattoo (where only someone fucking me would see it proclaiming I was his) so after much heart searching I broke that off

But then I was still yearning for him and the hard hurting sex we had. And I think he was good for me in other ways, though his domination was such that I think I was under his spell! Even thinking about him as I write this my cock stirs.Anyway I got back in contact and in August this year went to see him. Again we had great sex as you can see from this pic.

But again his commitment wasn't there - meeting me in his workspace, or he was happy to come to mine, but any suggestion I should go to his home was not picked up. I should have said that he lived a long way away so that would have been a commitment for me, but I was willing, but he didn't share that interest. Then his work got busy, and he had problems with transportation and other issues so we were not meeting. I used to say hello on Recon when I saw him come on line - but the responses were limited - hello, how are you? still got problems, yes, sort of things.

He seldom started the conversation (well he did call me once on the phone, but only once) I started getting to the point where it seemed like I was making all the running and he was just being polite - in spite of his saying I was one of the best things ever, his actions didn't seem to be saying the same.

So I left him to contact me and really months have gone by and he hasn't - which still leaves me sad.

By the way - he didn't want me to write about us and what we were doing - hence (partly) the reason why posting have dropped off.

Another reason why they did / have, is because not much has been happening to be honest. I had an interesting holiday in Scotland with a number of people who were kink orientated though with a number of other who were not so it was a straightforward holiday with no sex but great fun anyway and quite openly gay most of the time at least.

But since I got back in August my sex life has been non-existent apart from the odd cuddle really - certainly nothing to write up on here.

I have become a regular at Collared and also recently at SM Gays but to date I haven't done anything more kinky than wear a collar and be on a lead at the former.

I've chatted to several people on Gaydar and Recon, as well as at SM Gays but I've not met anyone for various reasons, mostly around my rule that I won't accommodate people I've never met (there are several reasons, perhaps some silly and maybe it should be the subject for a post itself) and neither will they. Or they are a long way away, or they are already in relationships - some with females wanting to do stuff behind their partners backs - far too complicated to get involved with. Sometimes a combination of more than one of these. Though mostly it's been about age v experience, or cowardice or incompatibility with what people say they want But for whatever reason that's where I am, or not as the case may be.

Recently I've been chatting at length with a guy from up North who has said many nice things about me and has written some interesting stuff...

"I'd love to degrade and totally humiliate you, if I could find a place, and I think I know of one, I'd attach you to a st Andrews cross, attach electrodes to your stretched and clamped balls, and one to your cock, I'd put a catheter into you so I could control your piss, the hose would be aimed at your mouth and you'd be wearing a spider gag to hold your mouth open.

I'd make you drink a couple of litres of water before hand.

I'd hang weights, possibly vibrating from your nipples and put pegs on your body.

When I thought your bladder couldn't take any more, I'd open the tap on the catheter and spray your piss down your throat and all over your pathetic body.

All this time, electricity has been passing through your aching balls and down your cock, you're rock hard, but you know that if you cum, I'll tighten the screws on the clamp on your balls and whip your cock.

All this time other guys have been watching you, slapping you, gobbling on you, pissing on you.

After I've finished doing that, I take all my apparatus off you, and use a riding crop on your now very tender body.

I then tie you over a table so your cunt is available, I write on your arse in permanent maker "slave, fuck me, abuse me" then sit back and watch you get raped over and over.

I wouldn't be satisfied until you were sobbing"

...and while some of that is a bit heavy, well some of it would be fun! And nothing is a definite no-no.

Well he is talking about coming to London in the New Year and I expect I'll see him then. If I can wait that long as he sounds so sexy and into so many things I am that I'm seriously thinking I ought to go up and visit him. If he was closer I'd have been there already (if I was welcome) the problem being a cheap ticket you have to book so far in advance it isn't suitable for spur of the moment dashing off to see someone in a city where you've never been to meet a guy you only know from online - but that may change over the next few days if encouraged by him to ....

I've also been asked (ordered?) by another guy I first started chatting to online several years ago to meet him at SM Gays in January to serve him.

He said in out conversation ...

"I think I owe you a beating!" to which I replied "... i'd love to take you up on that Sir"

and that was followed by

"Ok...talk to me after christmas. I want to take you to the hoist and do a hard session there with you .... I can see you moaning like a bitch at the next sm gays as my belt lands on your arse...you completely naked and being made to look your audience in the face...cock flapping about as I hit you!" ....

"Yes...you will have nice bruises to show to your friends after...well at least a nice red arse and back" ....

"Your mates will see you munching on my cock too wont they? Kneeling down lika a good boy, your face buried in my crotch trying to smell my cok thru my jeans and then my briefs....feeling your buttocks nice and warm..." ....

"Do you think they will feel sorry for you? It will be a tough and humiliating session wont it? " ....

Well the answer is obviously yes and painful, and I'm out of practice and never done anything like it in public - so I'm very doubtful at the moment

I want to, but i'm scared to...

Ah well we'll see how I feel on the night!

Finally I was contacted the other evening by some top guy on Recon who said he liked this blog and I ought to write more, well Sir here it is and I hope you like it.

If you want to see more - perhaps you'll think about helping me with a few ideas???

Again apologies for my lack of posts in recent months - I hope now you'll all understand why and forgive me I will not say I'm making a new years resolution to improve nor promise to a particular frequency, but I do promise that until I say otherwise the blog is not dead - when / if it is then I'll post so (even if I took the rest down under some new master's instruction. )

Hope to write loads in the new year as that means i'll be having fun - take care and have fun folks

A quick summary to keep the blog alive

Blimey It's a long time since I wrote anything on this blog.

Just so you know I haven't been having so much sex that I couldn't find the time. I have been busy though, London Pride, social events, even had one or two meets with a little sex involved. (As well as a slaveboy's walk on a very hot day!) But not a lot of sex and not much that would be very interesting to post on here.

I did go to Collared in May (I've missed both events since) which was right at the beginning of this dry period and in fact I was planning to write that up since It was a fun evening and I saw a lot of fun demos - but it would have been nothing but a list of those so I can still do that.

I also went to SM Gays a couple of times but more on the second of those later ;-)

So cast your mind back to collared in May, well when I went downstairs it was to find the Master in Chief preparing some "sauces" for a foot worship demo.

But before all that started there were some other demonstrations of pegs, ropework, and bastinardo!

I was dragged into a dark arch area and my pants pulled down for a quick (though thoroughly welcomed) hand spanking which was good fun as it was delivered by a cute guy I've been flirting with - unfortunately very spoken for!

The pups were out in force and are always fun to watch - but then the foot-session started....

First one of the regular's feet were strapped to the leg spread "chair" they have so that his soles were well exposed, then they were strapped quite thoroughly which TBH is more fun to watch I think than be on the end of (as I have a few times.)

Then the guy who had been doing the strapping got on the floor while a couple of other regulars sat on the chair with their feet out and they had them worshipped. This culminated in the sauces being applied for the foot man to guess what they were.

Baked beans and such were the sauces - but Tabasco sauce was too much and that one ended the demo with a lot of laughter and a spluttering foot sub

Anyway another great evening .... as was SM Gays when a mate of mind ended up being chosen by one of the resident, I think, Tops, who laid on the flogger while also encouraging the mate's partner to learn how to wield the flogger!

Well one of the two had fun! The rest of us just enjoyed the spectacle!

I don't think that my mate the floggee, had taken as much before, the Master certainly doesn't hold back too much, and the noise of that flogger hitting does echo well, he also made him call out the numbers and thank yous. Made me quite jealous.

Only problem with that night is that it's a Thursday and so a school night - though TBH as I have to rely on trains I'm not one for staying too late.

Maybe I should take the car then I could stay late at the weekends at least- not like I'm bothered about the alcohol intake.

Something to think about ...

Finally I will just add that I have met three new people in this period, none through Recon Slaveboys or even Gaydar, who all have a kink interest. None however have I got past first base with. (One I have been to bed with once but it was pure vanilla. Another I did once before, but it didn't take off then.

Anyway hopefully one of them will go somewhere and I'll have some more to write about - lets hops eh?

A contact from the past.

Yesterday I was feeling randy, and as you know if you've read previous entries on my blog it's been a while....

Anyway a guy I first met on Recon (recon.com) a few years ago came online and said hello.

Well a little while later I was knocking on his door!

Not long after that my wrists were in restraint and I was heading towards my first session in quite a while.

First he tied my growing cock into a leather sleeve with pins on the inside and strapped it up and followed it by tying my balls, all the time snogging me.

Sitting me on the side he started torturing my nipples, he then got out a gas mask and put it on me. Using its seal to control my breathing, he alternated this with adding pegs to my chest and sides, even my ears at one point.

This continued for a while before he tied me up St Andrews Cross style and flogged me, that was a quite painful and I ended up with quite a red back. He broke the flogging into a load a short but intense bouts followed by short breaks never letting a rhythm build up, and followed it with some strikes on my arse with a paddle. I was getting the full effect and being out of practice found it all a bit difficult to take.

After this, he started to impale me on his cock and interspersed that with an large dildo, which I again found difficult to take being a little out of practice.

By now I was certainly getting high on my endorphins but was still finding the pain intense, and difficult to place aside as I have managed in the past.

Taking me down from hanging I was bent over and fucked more at the same time being slapped on my back and sides and more pegs attached which this time were the tiny ones which hurt like hot needles on some delicate parts.

Put onto my back I was again fucked and snogged with some cuddles thrown in until he came, I was by now so endorphined up as to find that a little difficult.

An interesting session which has this morning left me with a number of marks on my back and tender ear lobes

Some thoughts generated from internet contacts recently

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

... and again in a few days!

Well It must have been the busiest few days for late nights I've had in years.

Normally as I get up for work every day at 6 I'm home and sorting out things for turning in by 11, and there are few days I'm not even in bed by midnight on a weekday.

Last week however I was out meeting the guy previously mentioned and chatting so that I didn't walk indoors till midnight and the next day was out in pub with friends so didn't get in till 11 gone.

Thursday was the previously mentioned SMGays and Friday I visited some friends for dinner which meant I wasn't home till 12:30am Still I didn't have to get up on Good Friday or the Saturday at 6 so that was fine.

Saturday I got up at a reasonable time in order to do the usual before heading out for the day. First to coffee and drinks before some dinner and then onto Collared! (http://www.collaredevents.com)

Arriving in Central Station I met up with some of the usual suspects that I spend time with and had a couple of drinks before heading down to the cellar bar.

Chatting with mates in a bar is always fun but tonight we had a lot of demos to watch as there seemed to be a lot going on as well as avoiding stepping to the tails of the increasing number of pups or their bowls - which a couple of the guys did at one point.

One guy was tied to the cross and had a lot of weigh hung from both his balls and his nipples, then there was a whole load of wax poured over a couple of subs while they laid on a massage table. One of them had a very hairy chest so I don't envy his job picking the wax off.

The other guy who took loads of wax had previously had a bloody good hiding both on the butt with some serious red marks and what was obviously a bruise showing even before it stopped, and with a flogger on his back.

After the wax demo had ended and the sub stood up there was a lot of sweat left on the table from his back - well it was warm as well I guess but I think it was mostly the heat crated by the flogging.

During the evening I bumped into the guy I was standing next to on the Thursday at SMGays and he told me that after I'd left he went and did it, and ended up with a sore back!

Well as they say if you don't do something you'll end up regretting it and I've often known what they mean - just another time to add to the list - well there is always another time I s'pose...

Clubbing ...

Well first I'd like to apologise for a distinct lack of pics in my posts of late. But if you don't have much action, or what action you have isn't photographed then there isn't a lot to post. Sorry.

I hope however that people are finding my writing vaguely interesting as there are a few followers and hope that there with be a little more action and less navel gazing in the future.

Well this is just a quick update to prove I'm still here. Particularly as one of the blogs I've been following http://themasterandhisslave.blogspot.com/ has moved onto their own website due to concerns about Google / Blogspot. I believe that this blog should be ok cos I mainly write and stick up the odd pic but not videos - though I might if I had any of me being flogged or such ;-) If you do have some time themasterandhisslave blog is one I recommend and can now be found at http://www.themasterandhisslave.com/

Well to my update and as I said in the last post I met a guy off slaveboys and we had some drinks but he didn't want me to discuss further - I'm pleased to report that he was happy with how I handled that comment when I spoke to him on the phone so hopefully at some point we will meet again.

In the meantime as I also alluded to in that post I went to SMGays (http://www.smgays.org/) on the Thursday. Well this was a new experience and it was good as I'm quite a shy person to be able to meet some friends and acquaintances first at BarCode.(http://www.bar-code.co.uk/) It was a warm evening so we ended up sitting outside and having a drink before heading into the Hoist. (http://www.thehoist.co.uk/)

As previously reported I'm a bit of a clubbing virgin, really only having been to Collared. The Hoist is a place I've often seen from the outside as I used to work in the area, but have never been in. I was impressed with how it was set up and was soon getting a drink from the bar.

It was a CP and Flogging night so we were soon treated to some demonstrations and in fact the gang of us were a little too close to one of the areas and were asked to give a little space to swing the cat!.

The guy doing the majority of the demos was using a fairly light implement and was being very careful with it building carefully.

Then a couple of us, who had not been before, were offered a tour round by one of the more experienced attendees, and he took us round to see where things were. We saw a few interesting sights including some paddling but we were soon back to the bar area where I saw the most interesting demo of the evening.

A very cute slim sub was standing in the frame, being given similar treatment to that which the others had gotten, when a big guy came and stood in front of him. He held his head in a way which suggested he was his Top and was encouraging him to take the punishment, but in short order he was taking over from the guy that had been doing most of the demonstrating to deliver the rest himself; and deliver he did.

Taking a wide stranded flogger he stood back and let fly with all his power. (At least that's how it seemed by comparison with what had gone previously) the flogger came down with a heavy thud and "crump". Again and again the, "whop" sound was repeated and the slim guy took it very well. Watching it, I turned to a guy I was standing next to and we agreed that we were both jealous of the guy being flogged. It was a brilliant demo and in case either of the guys involved read this I will just say I wish I'd had the time to hang about a bit longer as I might well have been up there myself. The guys both deserved the spontaneous applause which greeted the end of the demo - but particularly the slim sub.

As I say I was very close to volunteering and indeed earlier in the evening was on the brink but other people with more get up and go (or perhaps just experience?) kept getting in the way. If there had been more of a lull between rounds of demo on the frame, or there had been a Top or Master there egging me on I might have been in - it was close at one point. But then it just got too late :-(

Still there was still Collared to go....

S and M relations.

Met a guy off Slaveboys the other night and had very pleasant evening sitting outside in some brilliant spring weather.

He was a reader of my blog and we ended up having quite a deep conversation about life and SandM.

He didn't want me to speak about him on the blog, so I won't, but he did get me thinking about my relation with SandM and that's what this post is about.

We were discussing the protocols of boundary setting, of how to use safewords and discuss or not what to do. It was a subject which came up again at Collared last night when someone was asking about a guy who was very tied up and gagged - how would they be able to stop something if they were distressed?

I understand the whole safeword issue, but I find it a difficult one. It's like I'm in charge if I have one, and that's neither what I want, nor is it my mindset. I always find it difficult, if I'm being beaten, to do anything but cope with that and try and be a good boi. Trying to steel myself to the pain, driving into a sub mindset doesn't sit with shouting stop, in any of it's artificial forms.

I have been known to plead "please Sir - it's hurting so" hoping he'll stop (whoever he is) taking pity on me cos that is the closest I can get sometimes. So it worries me when people say they don't want to take notice of people pleading, but do want a safe word - I s'pose I don't get wanting to ask people to stop something you are enjoying, (even if it's painful) if it hurts too much I'll ask for it to stop, if I want it to carry on I'm not going to ask for it to stop I'll just yelp.

But where does that leave me with people who want a safe word? Out on the limb a bit I guess, if they are not going to stop when asked, because they will only respect a safeword they've set. Continuing till what it I forgot it? I drop down in a faint, seriously hurt or dead?

Perhaps it's in my head as a sub, but who is the best judge of if we've gone to far? Now logically some would say me as the person feeling the pain, but pain is to a certain extent a perception and if I want to go further and take more, is a more important consideration that I'm safe, that I'm not damaged, than if I'm hurt in a fleeting way?

I cannot tell from the pain if it's serious damage or superficial - a sharp knife cutting deep in one spot would hurt less than a rose thorn dug in somewhere with more nerves and both less than a caning on a third even more sensitive area, yet the knife might kill, and would certainly cause serious bleeding and damage, the thorn is really no more than an irritant, requiring some care to keep the wound safe and avoid the blood as you would any bodily fluid, and the caning? Well that is a popular activity in the SandM world!

If you are in the care of the Dom you have to trust him and that is about knowing each other, and I suppose knowing how to give feedback, but a Dom cannot rely on the sub being able to judge what state his body is in, particularly if he is high on endorphins and/or blindfolded or as is often the case the damage is being inflicted on the rear side of his body. So though I believe the sub should feedback honestly to the Dom in whatever way is best in the circumstances it's for the dom to be able to accept the sub's honest feedback and treat the information accordingly.

Stop should always mean that to me, and please Sir is a plea and not part of some game - I do it real, I hurt, and I like to hurt in some ways, and it's real hurt, and I like it and if I want it to stop so much that I ask for it to stop, I really want it to stop! But if the Dom who I'm trusting wants me to go further, then I want him to push that little bit farther. If he can see it's safe to do so cos I'm not seriously damaged. I also expect he would stop when I might want to go on cos he is in a better place to see how my body looks. Am I asking to much? For telepathy? I don't think so.

So yes it's a hard job being a Dom, it responsible, it's demanding and I can't do it! And I admire a good one; a caring one who not only has the skill, but also, while feeling the desire to hurt, and savouring my reaction to his pain, also the ability to hold that desire in check and look after me.

An End... or a beginning?

So where have I got to with men of late?

You'll remember that the cute guy had disappeared - which is a real shame as I liked him a lot. I guess I said or did something he didn't like and I've not heard from him - nor seen him where we met. I hope that he's ok and isn't avoiding that place cos of me. I can take a push back, had too before and I'm not going to pester him or owt!

Anyway that was a shame, meanwhile the Master I had been seeing for the last year or so I met with and ended it as we were never meeting up because he was so busy, and I wanted the opportunity to meet up with other guys. Particularly to try getting closer with the East London Master I mentioned. But we parted as friends and may pick that up more in future, he and his Alpha are really nice guys and I'd hate to lose that connection.

Then there was the Master in East London. Well what to say? Firstly I have been a bit coy about him because he doesn't want stuff posted online - though I cleared posting some stuff with him to start with. The main reason I haven't been writing though has been that I've been up and down and confused about the whole situation. As well as very busy of late.

Firstly I like him, but he is a bit OTT at times and very dominate to the point of being edgy - at least for me. I thought that we had come to an understanding about where certain boundries were a while back, though I was prepared for those to move in time as any connection or relationship grew in depth with time and commitment. Always in the background however there was a push, push from him; wanting more before I'd come to terms with what he wanted already.

Well last week I went to see him and for the third time in succession he was late for the meeting (and I don't mean by a couple of minutes.) Now I know I'm one of those anal people about timekeeping - I usually arrive hours early for things, but I was particularly peeved as I'd left somewhere early to get there and maximise our evening.

So that was the start!

Things didn't get better, he was pushing on a few levels around protocols he wanted in place - what to call him, (we'd had that discussion every time we met and I'd stated a limit which he again pushed the each time we met), and his wanting me to say "yes Sir" in reply to every order, even when I was already complying. In addition to this he was asking about ownership again.

As an aside I've been thinking about this "yes Sir" requirement and I've come to a conclusion, at least it's a question about it. I do say yes Sir in response to a question or to acknowledge an order where it requires nothing else at the time. For example if he were to say don't forget to get here for 5:00pm, then obviously that's an order that you can't do anything about at the time accept it - "yes Sir". But if he says "stand up" then my mind concentrates on getting up not speaking.

I was feeling quite depressed when I left, in spite of some great sex, (being fucked in a sling is also fun) though as part of it he suddenly decided to "shave" my chest with clippers, (without previously discussing or even mentioning it previously).

The next day as I felt no different, and I was finding it difficult to think about anything else! So I wrote him an email. I won't state everything that was in it - but here are a couple of relevant extracts.

"...I said, when we first met, and in answer to a question from you, that I've never been owned, so therefore I have no idea if it's what I need. So being asked every time about ownership puts pressure on me which gets in the way of how I'm trying to relate to the situation. I feel that I'm being asked to run before I can walk, and part of my problem is that I do not know if maybe I even want to run (that is if I'm slave material)…..

…..Time and security is all that lowers those walls a bit, the ownership question and fear of making mistakes in protocols builds them up. In addition I'm not sure I'm physically up to your challenge. ..."

So there you have it, I expected either to get no reply, or to get a considered reply asking me to reconsider. I thought that the former was more likely, and so it has proved to be so far. Much to my relief... but also sadness.

I will not say it has been one sided, nor that coming to this decision had been easy. I have been thinking about the situation a lot and as I also said in my email to him, I'm sure I will regret it and wonder about what might have been; but I have sat and compiled a list of issues I had with the situation and on balance I think I did the right thing - much as he attracted.... as he attracts me.

So I move on, I've closed my Recon account down for the time being and stopped paying for Gaydar. How long I keep to this we'll have to see but I do feel back in control of myself - even if that leaves me lonely and more than a little sad.

Ah well summer is around the corner - ho hum!

Collared - March

On 26th March I had a very busy day planned - going to the March for the Alternative in Central London then onto a drink with some friends before heading up to Collared in the evening.

Well as Robbie said "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men Gang aft agley," and indeed they did.

My group were at the back of the march and by the time we got even to Trafalgar Square we were too late to see any speeches - trouble makers had started assaulting shops in Oxford Street and I was too late to get to my drink with mates.

So cutting my losses I headed off to Collared. Don't get me wrong the March was important and in parts was fun. But this isn't a political blog so I'm moving on.

Even cutting the mates out I still arrived late for pre-drinks and some of the normal crowd I mingle with were giving it a miss, but I still met with other friends and told them about my day (which had started at 6!! In order to get something dome before I left for the day)

Going down to the Basement Bar at Central Station it was noticeably quiet to start with (though it picked up later quite nicely - maybe there were more of us on the March?) but I enjoyed chatting with a couple of mates. I was showing one of them a few things to help keep his boyfriend in check - which was quite fun, and there was one punter who seemed out of it right at the start kept falling asleep in the corner! Which worried a few people!

We had the usual demos with some spanking, and one guy "shaving" pubes with a pair of clippers. But more interesting to me was dragging a couple of guys off into a dark corner where I ended up having a rare old time ...ahem ... snogging them!!

As usual at these events I had a few drinks and had a very pleasant evening - long may it continue... oh and thanks guys - you know who you are xx

East London Master

Yesterday, I went to see the East London Master again.

We got off to a much better start and had some discussion. I know that he does not want me to bring much of our discussions and other personal stuff onto this blog, but suffice to say that after some great sex and some serious heart to heart we went on a little drive out and that social time meant a lot.

When we returned to his place for another short time together before he had to leave for an appointment he and I came to an understanding.

I would hold myself in to an exclusive position with him while we move into a period of "consideration".

He later said I was negotiating, but then that is me I suppose. I'm looking forward to the experience and at the moment I can see myself in some form of relationship with him, including being his owned slave, but I do have to know I've covered all the bases and that not only is it right for me - but that it's right for him. After all it is the duty of a good slave to look after his Master and his Master's interests, isn't it?

A new start?

Yesterday I went to visit Master Himself and his Alpha - we went out to dinner and had a nice meal, thought the pub was overly busy (I can't imagine why the world and her husband were out to lunch yesterday but it seemed like it.)

Anyway after we returned back to their flat I told Master Himself that I had an opportunity to get further training with another master, and that I knew he had too much on at the moment to give me the time I need, so we broke the Master/slave dynamic (one could say what was left of it) which leaves me free to pursue alternatives.

Of course that does not mean we will not stay in touch or be friends, good kink friends are hard to find, though how much I see of him and his will of course depend on how his situation develops as much as on how mine does.

I'm booked in to see East London Master on Friday so hope a chat with him goes as well.

Collared - a new start ..

Well after going missing last month following the bust up with Slaveboys, collared returned last night and of the people I interact with there most seemed to be present, as well as some people I've met elsewhere and saw there for the first time.

A few people were suggesting that the event not being constantly advertised on Slaveboys might mean it would be too small, or not succeed, but it worked ok for me.

Yes it started a little later than advertised and the music wasn't as fluid as perhaps it should be but then I'd be happier if the music was turned down a bit anyway -as I'd prefer to hear the spankings more lol..

... but overall it worked well.

I managed to get a snog in and even a mouthful! But when I was asked if I wanted to get flogged in a demo ... well I declined as I'd prefer that try out a top in private and know what to expect.

Though the guy is one I'd trust, I wasn't sure I'd trust myself not to wimp out! Also put on the spot I was indecisive ... and then someone else volunteered! Phew!

Later in the evening I saw a paddling, first over very tight jeans and then bare, the guys arse was VERY red but he said he wouldn't bruise - which I find hard to believe. Anyway I think he wore out the two tops beating him and I'd certainly be very sore for a week on far less abuse!

It was fun and hope it continues, I'll be there next month I think!

An update on men!

Well since my last post things have moved on, I went out for a meal with the cute man I met on the walk and had a very nice time, but on speaking to him the next day he told me he was thrown off kilter (my words to try and condense a long chat around the feelings) by my talking about meeting the East London Master, and feeling about it.

So it seemed that moved into “friend territory” which while still nice was a bit of a downer, but since then I have sent a few texts and while I got some replies, we haven't met, and the texts have not bounced back and forth as they did, so perhaps I've even lost that.

Then a week later I had another session with the East London Master and while having some great sex again, was again struck at how he wanted to move very fast into commitment. As I said to him, both in the session and in messages after, I'm not prepared to move into commitment with someone I've met for sex twice. I also said I needed to speak to Master Himself and his Alpha ... I suddenly remembered while writing this that one example of the situation that concerned me was was his phrase about "being considered" as in i was being considered for ownership and that caused me a problem because it implied to me i has made a request for ownership and i had not.

I have said where I am and what I will and will not do, (not sexually but in relationships and commitment) and after some back and forth of messages, that contact has withered, though left open for a possible renewal if I clear my head in the future.

Anyway I had to say it but I was not happy lost in my feelings about it all :-(

Meanwhile I suddenly found out that Master Himself had restarted posting to his blog. Well sort of as he has found someone, a new slave, to write posts for him; as well as the slave posting on his own behalf. Now that information and the writings of said Slave-scribe tells me that while master was working hard he had found the time to sort out a new slave which puts his non-responses to me into a different background. So I sent him a message, saying I saw he had a new slave to write for him. He replied yes but also said he missed me. I'm really not sure what that means!

Anyway since the beginning of he year I've gone from not knowing where I am because of possible calls on my time etc including; one guy I'd pursued in the past and got no-where who I ended up in bed with but didn't seem to gel for me; another and his partner who I've had some good times with over the last year and who I thought was too tied up working with had found time to meet a new slave while not contacting me or often even replying to messages I sent; a couple of new possible guys I've met since the New Year where both possibilities have petered out.

Boy it's been a confusing year so far. From not much happening sexually to probably the busiest month I've had sexually this last 3 years and then back down to zero prospects in sight, and it's all left me rather down. In fact since I started writing this (over a week trying to find the right words) I've picked up a lot and got back on balance and all this time the East London Master keeps popping into mind, and fantasy!

I must sort where I am in my head.

Sore Nipples...

Well a few days later and my nipples are sore and scabby, even a little bruised?

As you can see - but I'm sure will soon be better


...and I'm sure they will be again!

East London meeting

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The "Cute" Man

Last night I met the guy from the other day at the pub. We had a very nice time (well I did) turned out he was quite reasonably kinky, without any prompting biting ear lobes and squeezing nipples while as well as once into bed quite happily dominant there handing out some painful CBT!

I had a very pleasant time and managed to deep throat his rather large endowment in such a way that he said afterwards it was the best blow job ever!!!

I’m sure he’s exaggerating for complimentary effect – but presume it was at least good.

Anyway he want to see me again he says (actually said he’d “have to beat me more often”)

This morning when I was at work I received a text saying that he had a spring in his step and as a “thought for the day” Me “hands tied up on [a] hook arse beaten red vibrating dildo play, and finally a nice hard fuck.” I replied “well I’m up for that Sir” now we’ll have to see how it goes!

Complications

It's odd isn't it. Just when you think you know where you are you get a curved ball thrown at you by life, again!

Just before Christmas I found a card through my door from the postie telling me that I had a letter to sign for - now having been there before - I decided that there was little point in my going down on the only day I was at home before Christmas, a couple of days later; and by the time I next going to be at home (today) I decided it'd be easier to get it redelivered.

So this morning there is the postie delivering a Christmas card from Master Himself and his Alpha - that's more than a bit kinky!

Anyway - as I've intimated in the past, I'd felt that there was a dropping off of interest from them before but now, anyway first to digress...

Recently I went out and in a pub started chatting to these couple of guys who I'd thought were together. One was very touchy feelie with the other but then when I was chatting to one while the other went off to the toilet, he said they'd just met that day, and wasn't the guy who'd gone to the toilet really cute.

Well while agreeing I'd have preferred the the guy in the toilet was interested in me than the guy I was chatting to.

Anyway to cut a long story short eventually it was time to go and the "cute" guy who (during the conversation had told us his previous partner had been a bit kinky - well it came up in conversation!) went off with me, and we ended up snogging on the street - which I'd never done before!

Well after chatting for an hour I'd had a good time and are defiantly going to meet for something more!

Then this morning while awaiting the postie I get a message from a guy on Recon I've been chatting to, (the one in East London I mentioned before?) a very experienced who not only sounds sane but who also wants to have me over for a session with a view to getting into something heavier! Now I'd thought he'd lost interest as I thought he must have recoved from the Christmas flu, but no he is still dealing with the tail end of it and wanting to be fully fit so as not to pass it on and is still very interested - another long conversation today wearing my phone battery down!

So here I am with a really nice couple who I've got to know quite well and had some real good and novel experiences with and who want to continue with our relationship, though who have not had the time in recent months to spend the time on it, so I've been languishing.

A really nice guy I'd like to get to know more who I just met and who seems to be open to some kink play, and a Master with experience who also wants to help me on my journey!

And this is without the guy I was talking about last time who likes it rough and who also wants to get to know me more!

This is all getting a bit tricky, but nothing has actually happened yet!!!

What's been going on?

Well sorry again for the delay in posting but for part of December Master was away and obviously it's a busy time with parties and drinks and the like. Also this year we have had exceptional snow for the month before Christmas and travel had been a real pain with days when I couldn't get get to work and I even missed a couple of those drinking social events due to the unreliability of public transport and state of the roads! So with all that I haven't been doing a lot.

I did meet with Sir (Master's Alpha) but as I said I was very busy and finding the time to write it up …

The session was very similar to others with my choking on his cock and being tortured with nipple clamps.

What was different was that I headed to their place from work and stayed over with him going directly into work from there. It was a very pleasant evening though Sir was very tired as in his work pre-Christmas is (as so many places are) a busy time. So though it was a fun, painful tit evening it was difficult to find a new way to write about it. Sir was so tired I think we were in bed by 9:30 .... (Sleeping!! Dirty minds! lol)

So I have decided that writing descriptions of my sex in quite the detailed way I have, might make for a less interesting blog than keeping those gems to the novel or unusual.

So why am I writing this today? Well perhaps because of the blog, or just cos I'm putting myself out there more, I have had some interest in me from other quarters. So while I have had a fairly quiet December into Christmas I have had some interesting contacts which promise well for the New Year. One guy on Recon who is a Master seems very interested, and while I'm a little nervous about how it might go (though I can be like that even going to meet Master as sometimes the hurt can be a lot) I'm thinking I will be meeting him soon.

I did clear this in principle with Master some time ago — but nerves and a lack of contact meant we never got it together. Well, a couple of weeks ago he messaged me on recon and I chatted to him on the phone and he seemed a good guy, so now it's just a matter of sorting that meeting out. We did chat about some new (to me at least) type of ball weight, and my enthusiasm for seeing a pic of it got tiresome to him I think, so I was concerned he had lost interest since I'd hoped we might meet over the Christmas hols but not heard from him. However apparently he has not been well with the flu, and still seems interested, so maybe my next post will be about a meeting with him.

Meanwhile I did meet with another guy who is interested in getting to know me and tells me I'm "hot". Personally I'm terrible about being told such things - certainly over and over. I suppose it's my self consciousness but while I sorta like it as a compliment I get embarrassed by it and the more there is the more I'm embarrassed. And of course as he invited me to his place and it snogging me I know he fancies me so it's redundant. I was always brought up to believe actions speak louder than words and it's as true here as anywhere.

Anyway he says he likes rough sex but I don't think he is into SandM so while he is a great cuddle, and sure he will be a great fuck, and seems a nice bloke (so might end as a friend or fuck buddy) I don't think we are going to end up in any Master and slave situation. I also wonder how he'd react seeing my bruises after a heavy session?

So as you see I have a few irons in the fire and we'll see how things go over the coming weeks. I am concerned about the guy in East London I chatted to on the phone as he seems to want that "Master and slave situation" I spoke about and that would mean making a decision about Master and Alpha and I. However I do wonder given the fact I have had virtually no contact from him this month and that the previous couple of months have been the same if he would be bothered or miss me anyway; and while I know a lot of this has been about work, (even overwork!) is that going to change?

I think that we, Master and I, need to have a serious chat.