A contact from the past.

Yesterday I was feeling randy, and as you know if you've read previous entries on my blog it's been a while....

Anyway a guy I first met on Recon (recon.com) a few years ago came online and said hello.

Well a little while later I was knocking on his door!

Not long after that my wrists were in restraint and I was heading towards my first session in quite a while.

First he tied my growing cock into a leather sleeve with pins on the inside and strapped it up and followed it by tying my balls, all the time snogging me.

Sitting me on the side he started torturing my nipples, he then got out a gas mask and put it on me. Using its seal to control my breathing, he alternated this with adding pegs to my chest and sides, even my ears at one point.

This continued for a while before he tied me up St Andrews Cross style and flogged me, that was a quite painful and I ended up with quite a red back. He broke the flogging into a load a short but intense bouts followed by short breaks never letting a rhythm build up, and followed it with some strikes on my arse with a paddle. I was getting the full effect and being out of practice found it all a bit difficult to take.

After this, he started to impale me on his cock and interspersed that with an large dildo, which I again found difficult to take being a little out of practice.

By now I was certainly getting high on my endorphins but was still finding the pain intense, and difficult to place aside as I have managed in the past.

Taking me down from hanging I was bent over and fucked more at the same time being slapped on my back and sides and more pegs attached which this time were the tiny ones which hurt like hot needles on some delicate parts.

Put onto my back I was again fucked and snogged with some cuddles thrown in until he came, I was by now so endorphined up as to find that a little difficult.

An interesting session which has this morning left me with a number of marks on my back and tender ear lobes

S and M relations.

Met a guy off Slaveboys the other night and had very pleasant evening sitting outside in some brilliant spring weather.

He was a reader of my blog and we ended up having quite a deep conversation about life and SandM.

He didn't want me to speak about him on the blog, so I won't, but he did get me thinking about my relation with SandM and that's what this post is about.

We were discussing the protocols of boundary setting, of how to use safewords and discuss or not what to do. It was a subject which came up again at Collared last night when someone was asking about a guy who was very tied up and gagged - how would they be able to stop something if they were distressed?

I understand the whole safeword issue, but I find it a difficult one. It's like I'm in charge if I have one, and that's neither what I want, nor is it my mindset. I always find it difficult, if I'm being beaten, to do anything but cope with that and try and be a good boi. Trying to steel myself to the pain, driving into a sub mindset doesn't sit with shouting stop, in any of it's artificial forms.

I have been known to plead "please Sir - it's hurting so" hoping he'll stop (whoever he is) taking pity on me cos that is the closest I can get sometimes. So it worries me when people say they don't want to take notice of people pleading, but do want a safe word - I s'pose I don't get wanting to ask people to stop something you are enjoying, (even if it's painful) if it hurts too much I'll ask for it to stop, if I want it to carry on I'm not going to ask for it to stop I'll just yelp.

But where does that leave me with people who want a safe word? Out on the limb a bit I guess, if they are not going to stop when asked, because they will only respect a safeword they've set. Continuing till what it I forgot it? I drop down in a faint, seriously hurt or dead?

Perhaps it's in my head as a sub, but who is the best judge of if we've gone to far? Now logically some would say me as the person feeling the pain, but pain is to a certain extent a perception and if I want to go further and take more, is a more important consideration that I'm safe, that I'm not damaged, than if I'm hurt in a fleeting way?

I cannot tell from the pain if it's serious damage or superficial - a sharp knife cutting deep in one spot would hurt less than a rose thorn dug in somewhere with more nerves and both less than a caning on a third even more sensitive area, yet the knife might kill, and would certainly cause serious bleeding and damage, the thorn is really no more than an irritant, requiring some care to keep the wound safe and avoid the blood as you would any bodily fluid, and the caning? Well that is a popular activity in the SandM world!

If you are in the care of the Dom you have to trust him and that is about knowing each other, and I suppose knowing how to give feedback, but a Dom cannot rely on the sub being able to judge what state his body is in, particularly if he is high on endorphins and/or blindfolded or as is often the case the damage is being inflicted on the rear side of his body. So though I believe the sub should feedback honestly to the Dom in whatever way is best in the circumstances it's for the dom to be able to accept the sub's honest feedback and treat the information accordingly.

Stop should always mean that to me, and please Sir is a plea and not part of some game - I do it real, I hurt, and I like to hurt in some ways, and it's real hurt, and I like it and if I want it to stop so much that I ask for it to stop, I really want it to stop! But if the Dom who I'm trusting wants me to go further, then I want him to push that little bit farther. If he can see it's safe to do so cos I'm not seriously damaged. I also expect he would stop when I might want to go on cos he is in a better place to see how my body looks. Am I asking to much? For telepathy? I don't think so.

So yes it's a hard job being a Dom, it responsible, it's demanding and I can't do it! And I admire a good one; a caring one who not only has the skill, but also, while feeling the desire to hurt, and savouring my reaction to his pain, also the ability to hold that desire in check and look after me.

Collared - March

On 26th March I had a very busy day planned - going to the March for the Alternative in Central London then onto a drink with some friends before heading up to Collared in the evening.

Well as Robbie said "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men Gang aft agley," and indeed they did.

My group were at the back of the march and by the time we got even to Trafalgar Square we were too late to see any speeches - trouble makers had started assaulting shops in Oxford Street and I was too late to get to my drink with mates.

So cutting my losses I headed off to Collared. Don't get me wrong the March was important and in parts was fun. But this isn't a political blog so I'm moving on.

Even cutting the mates out I still arrived late for pre-drinks and some of the normal crowd I mingle with were giving it a miss, but I still met with other friends and told them about my day (which had started at 6!! In order to get something dome before I left for the day)

Going down to the Basement Bar at Central Station it was noticeably quiet to start with (though it picked up later quite nicely - maybe there were more of us on the March?) but I enjoyed chatting with a couple of mates. I was showing one of them a few things to help keep his boyfriend in check - which was quite fun, and there was one punter who seemed out of it right at the start kept falling asleep in the corner! Which worried a few people!

We had the usual demos with some spanking, and one guy "shaving" pubes with a pair of clippers. But more interesting to me was dragging a couple of guys off into a dark corner where I ended up having a rare old time ...ahem ... snogging them!!

As usual at these events I had a few drinks and had a very pleasant evening - long may it continue... oh and thanks guys - you know who you are xx

Collared - a new start ..

Well after going missing last month following the bust up with Slaveboys, collared returned last night and of the people I interact with there most seemed to be present, as well as some people I've met elsewhere and saw there for the first time.

A few people were suggesting that the event not being constantly advertised on Slaveboys might mean it would be too small, or not succeed, but it worked ok for me.

Yes it started a little later than advertised and the music wasn't as fluid as perhaps it should be but then I'd be happier if the music was turned down a bit anyway -as I'd prefer to hear the spankings more lol..

... but overall it worked well.

I managed to get a snog in and even a mouthful! But when I was asked if I wanted to get flogged in a demo ... well I declined as I'd prefer that try out a top in private and know what to expect.

Though the guy is one I'd trust, I wasn't sure I'd trust myself not to wimp out! Also put on the spot I was indecisive ... and then someone else volunteered! Phew!

Later in the evening I saw a paddling, first over very tight jeans and then bare, the guys arse was VERY red but he said he wouldn't bruise - which I find hard to believe. Anyway I think he wore out the two tops beating him and I'd certainly be very sore for a week on far less abuse!

It was fun and hope it continues, I'll be there next month I think!

The "Cute" Man

Last night I met the guy from the other day at the pub. We had a very nice time (well I did) turned out he was quite reasonably kinky, without any prompting biting ear lobes and squeezing nipples while as well as once into bed quite happily dominant there handing out some painful CBT!

I had a very pleasant time and managed to deep throat his rather large endowment in such a way that he said afterwards it was the best blow job ever!!!

I’m sure he’s exaggerating for complimentary effect – but presume it was at least good.

Anyway he want to see me again he says (actually said he’d “have to beat me more often”)

This morning when I was at work I received a text saying that he had a spring in his step and as a “thought for the day” Me “hands tied up on [a] hook arse beaten red vibrating dildo play, and finally a nice hard fuck.” I replied “well I’m up for that Sir” now we’ll have to see how it goes!

DIY?? When you have a slave?

Master is going away for a couple of weeks at the beginning of December so as I haven't seen him in a while because, as I'm mentioned before, he is working so hard; and because I will not be about this coming weekend: last week I emailed him to remind him I would not be about before he flew out.


He replied suggesting that that I went over Saturday afternoon as his Alpha wanted me then and that I should stay over until Sunday when we could have some time together Sunday afternoon-evening.


Saturday 20th
Well when getting ready for Sir I clipped my hair down to virtually shaved as I know Master likes it but when I arrived about 5:30pm it was to find the pair of them up to their ears in DIY, on a project which would flavour the weekend, of course this being a SandM blog the DIY only acts as punctuation, but in real life there was as much time spent DIYing as on SandM.


I was a little surprised as I would have offered to go over earlier if I could have been of help – but I think they wanted to DIT - Do It Themselves!


A bit of nesting? ;-)


Anyway after a bit of finishing of what they were doing and while letting the latest bit dry I got stripped off, (Master had been concerned I didn't strip while all the tools etc were around in case I got hurt being naked) now Sir saw my body and was pleased at the lack of hair! Then Master's Alpha took me away into the bedroom while Master got on with some things he wanted to do and left us to it.


Sir got on the bed and got me to give him a back rub, but this quickly turned into a bit more as he turned over and had me use my hands on, what I think is, his favourite bits; his nipples. So in short order there I was kneeling on the bed between his legs with both hands on his nipples and, much better for me, his cock down my throat.


Well of course it wasn't long before my nipples were also being worked on, as was my pain threshold! First with his strong fingers pinching and twisting my nipples but then with his teethed clamps! On this occasion Sir told me the nipple clamps were a heavier sprung pair than the ones he has used before and boy did they hurt!!


Anyway after a lot of sucking of Sir's cock (including my choking with his cock down my throat), a lot of working and pulling of my nipples by Sir (and of his by me) he took the chain connecting the clamps and wrapped it around his cock while he wanked. Every movement pulled on my nipples which pulled my tits out from my chest and dug the clamps deep into the skin.


Finally I was allowed his cum, which tasted great. The pressure was released from my nipples and, surprisingly, there wasn't the pain I expected from that release. (Perhaps the thin teeth while digging in and hurting doesn't exclude the blood enough to cause that pain on release which characterises the clover clamp or even humble washing pegs.)


Sir and I then got up and went to find Master, who had been busy tidying and sorting out his business.


We went out for some dinner, fish and chips at the local chippy. The rest of the evening was spent socialising with them both.


Sunday 21st
We spent the night three in the bed and I got a reasonable nights sleep, but come the morning, and after breakfast, Master had to go out, leaving his Alpha ably assisted by yours truly to continue with the DIY.


So we did, we humped some stuff about and prepared and completed some more of the project. then while waiting for the next stage to dry Sir went off to do some stuff on the computer and I read some of my book.


Later I made some coffee and read some more. Then once again, (and I don't remember why we started) but Sir got me onto my knees while he fucked my face. Once again I was honoured with his spunk but this time not directly delivered into my throat but licked up from his stomach and chest where he'd shot it (with my... “encouragement”) halfway to over his shoulder!
;)

Not long after Master returned and we showed him what we had been doing (in the DIY department) which was now nearly dry to touch – though it was decided to let it go over for the full 24 hours stated on the box before continuing.


So we tidied the flat up to a point where it could be left in comfort awaiting that time and, as it was now lunchtime, went out to lunch. This was also on our way to the local supermarket where we went after a nice Sunday dinner in a diner (I had home-made chicken and mushroom pie.)


Returning from the shops and after putting away all the shopping Master dragged me off to the bedroom grabbing me by the balls and using them as a handle on me while Sir went off to do some stuff on his computer that he had started earlier.


In the bedroom I was soon servicing Sir, both by rubbing his back, licking him on back, feet, underarm etc and by taking his cock deep into my throat, including hanging my head back over a pile of pillows on the bed to get my throat fucked. After a while we rested and even ended up playing some X-box games.


Returning to the bedroom we chatted a long time, discussing things and generally catching up, but it wasn't long before Master had me hugging a pile of pillows face down on the bed receiving, and crying out rather badly from some whacks from his crop across my arse though also some strokes across my feet. The stripes looked really good but I was terribly embarrassed that I was wimping out with relatively low levels of pain and realised how out of practice with it I was.


I also realised as we chatted after that when I looked back it was now over a year since I'd had sex with anyone but Master and Sir as I'd not been with anyone in the last year. Not that I've been forbidden, I have even sought and got permission in theory but it's just not worked out.


Anyway back in the bedroom Sir and I chatted some more and I explained that I could usually take the cane (or such – like his crop) better after a build up with hand or paddle.


Well I really ought to learn to keep my mouth shut as I was soon on the receiving end of such a build up from one of Sir's paddles. As usual in these circumstances one starts to get addicted to the constant regular stokes and when they stop, while part of you is relieved and pleased, another part is disappointed and wants them to continue. It's that lack of judgement ability which drives the need for a Master one can trust to make the decision of when you have truly had enough, if you are like that.


After the build up and a rest and some more discussion with Sir about how I felt I had failed to be satisfying if I was not feeling the pain the next day, that I'd somehow wimped out; I was lucky enough to be granted a further 12 strokes with the crop. This did show the benefit of the longer build up with the endorphins flowing. And it certainly ensured I felt it the next day, and the next!


After some more chatting and having show Sir my very red arse it was time for me to go home.


Since then the red arse has turned to various shades and hues, (as is normal in these situations) One friend seeing the pics said it looked like I'd been beaten up. Which in one sense I had. But it's not the same as being assaulted on the street. I was mentally prepared and indeed complicit in the act, and while there was pain (quite a lot) it was applied carefully over a period of time and the damage continuously assessed to ensure it was not serious or permanent.


Anyway while Master is away I hope I hear from him occasionally by text, message or the like and that I see Sir.

Collared - but not

Last night I went to collared (http://clubcollared.com) again. Back in its original venue and with more experience it was a much better event that the previous time I went in March.

I had asked Master if he wanted to come in the week leading up but he had at first not made up his mind then said he had some problems which would prevent him from coming anyway. As Master wasn't there I wasn't wearing a collar (something which I thought better of later)

So in the end I went with a friend who has an interest in kink and s and m but who hadn't been to a club before (much like me previously).

We went to the pre-collared meet and there I was chatting to a few of the people I had met on the Slaveboys London walks http://www.slaveboys.co.uk. I was surprised at how many people I already knew, but that was nice too.

Anyway it was soon time to go down into the club and there bumped into a few more.

Standing around chatting, suddenly behind me one of the "demos" kicked off with one guy wrapping another in clingfilm.

Once wrapped he was placed onto the padded top of a cage and the top then preceded to torture his genitals with hand squeezing, a TENS machine and Deep Heat but then turned up the heat in a different way with some bastinardo, whacking the sub's feet hard with a folded belt for a cracking (oh dear what a terrible pun) sound.

One foot, then the other, then both together as the sub took some hard strokes

Released from the clingfilm he quickly got dressed and the crowd watching returned to their drinks and chatting.

Soon another demo was starting when one of the respected Masters was tying a sub into the stocks. I say tying because with his legs spread and ball parachute fitted that was pulled tight to the bottom cross piece and his ball sack stretched!

Some paddling followed as well as some other activities….

The demos seemed to come thick and fast now as first one guy was strapped into a spreader chair while pegs were applied all over, while this was going on just a short way away a flogging or two.

Meanwhile the sounds of hand spanking kept catching my attention from different corners of the club and this all added to the atmosphere. So I had a very nice time watching, drinking and chatting with friends until in the end it was time to leave to catch my train.

It is a real shame that the trains stop so early as I could have stayed longer, even if I would have regretted it today (quite tired anyway) but who knows what might have happened!

Think I may well go again in a few weeks when the next one is on - was fun.

A Flogging from Sir - Thank you Sir

Once again it looks like I'm starting with an apology – but it has been another long time since I've written - if only I could say it's because my sex life has been so full I haven't had the time.

Instead all I can say is that my work life has been a bit hectic on one level (though not all that) while on another my Master's work life has been so bad as to virtually stop him completely from meeting me and indeed much else!

So much so that I was thinking it was me and that I was out of favour. Of course if I were a good sub I'd know it's never about me.

Anyway – feeling sorry for myself as I was I had thought it's not my place to keep pestering my betters with requests to meet up, but the trouble is if they are so busy that they don't contact you it's all to easy to drift away.

Anyway I saw my Alpha online so said hello and during the conversation said I needed flogging – he agreed and suddenly I had an appointment to go round.

Well Friday soon came round and I was soon standing outside the door of the flat waiting to be let in. My Alpha answered the door ready for action in harness and some other leathers and little else.

It wasn't many minutes before I was on my hands and knees in front of his chair servicing his cock buried deep in my throat. While my hands were busy stimulating his nipples.

My nipples didn't stay unattended long either, soon they were clamped with his clamps with the tiny teeth, the sort I used to dread and in some ways I still do. He is very good at making nipples sore with them for a couple of days which is a great reminder of a hot session.

Soon he moved us into the frame room for the main events of the evening and I was instructed to spread my arms and the flogging began.

Sir varied the pace and the intensity during the course of the flogging, from flicky strikes to full bodied thwacks. I decided right at the start to keep count to myself but as the pain and the unpredictability increased I found it more and more difficult to keep the thoughts on the numbering while trying to channel the pain. I ended up doing both poorly – I defiantly need more practice. (Any offers to my Master please) But I do know that we cleared the 100 mark when Sir decided to have a breather.

He came round in from of me and attached his clamps for a second time and played with my nipples quite intensely. Soon they were quite sore, so he gave me a good hug, squeezing my sore nipples against his chest.

I was then pushed onto my knees for more sucking and indeed face fucking while he stood in front of me his cock down my throat pulling and twisting nipples on and on.

Before long however we were also back to the flogging, with a second round of flogging. Again I lost count as he kept the variation of timing and weight going and sometimes sent a few strokes aimed across my Buttocks in Batches!

In between batches of strokes he again moved to my nipples – pulling them way out from my chest at times. Then I was put back on my knees while he placed a rubber bungy through the nipple clamp chain so he could stretch them remotely and with a springy action. More sucking followed until he got to a point where I was bent over and fucked.

I enjoyed this very much as I don't get to be fucked too often and I was quite high on endorphins by now. After a good fuck Sir decided he wanted to have some more sucking – but this time in comfort so I was taken to the bedroom where he lay back while I serviced him.

After a while he came and I received the gift of his spunk to swallow. I guess I must have pleased Sir as I was then permitted to wank off while Sir tortured my Nipples again.

All in all a brilliant session Sir gave me and which I hope will be repeated or have similar to in the future.

Another Bank Hoilday Weekend and Waistcoat

Last weekend I returned home from a week away for work. I still had the remains of the bruises from the previous week and was keen to show them to Master Himself. This is how they look today and that is a nearly two weeks later.

So we arranged to meet on the Sunday afternoon, firstly to go to the museum, the three of us, Master, his Alpha and me. On the Saturday Morning I went shopping and while out purchased some Veet strips, as in the back of my mind I still had a requirement to be clean shaven from Master which I had not fulfilled.

We had a very pleasant afternoon on the Sunday wandering around the museum and then returning back to their place where Master and I chatted while his Alpha went off to do some work on his computer. After a while and feeling quite tired after a long day and many miles of tramping around the museum Sir took me off to his bed and had some more fun squeezing my balls! Oddly as if there was some physic connection between us Master said during the session "next time I see you I want you smoother", I replied "Sir" but was brought up cold.

To sleep – but Master didn’t sleep too well and got up in the night.
The next day was the Bank Holiday and we went off into Kent for the day. We had a great time with a meal out as well as the attractions we visited, but sadly as they do these things come to an end, and we returned home.

On the journey home Master got quite tired, probably from the poor nights sleep and went off for a nap. His Alpha decided that a nice end to the day would be to torture my nipples which he did to great effect by handcuffing my hands and fixing them to a collar behind my neck and then proceeding to get me to kneel within their frame and then hook some nipple clamps he fixed to my nipples over a bungee stretched across the frame. The result was that my nipples were pulled painfully upwards.
Both of our cocks got very hard – but he could play with his while mine was left ignored as I cried out in pain. I did get a reward in the form of his cum though so that was great.

While Master slept I returned home to look after things there, I said to his Alpha that I could come back if He awoke and wanted me – and I was in fact off on the Tuesday as well and could return then. Before I left I spoke to Master's Alpha and asked him about the Leather Waistcoat that I was looking at on JDL Leathers. He suggested that the price was good and so I ordered it when I got home.
On Tuesday morning I got out the Veet strips and tried them out. They seemed no more effective than the version I made myself from sugar and still left a sticky residue while also leaving some hair. I also found that around my crouch they caused bruising where they removed the hair something I've never read about in the literature I read. You can see how they look here.

I then a call from Master to go over and help out with a job on the Tuesday afternoon and that, along with watching some film, went into the early evening.

---

When I got home from work I found that my waistcoat had arrived so here is a pic of me in jeans and waistcoat - I have to say I am well pleased with this purchase.

Belts...

Last night I went to visit my Master - it had been a long time and I was concerned that I had disappointed him as we hadn't had much contact; however he explained that work had ceased being just busy and had removed all his time and he had been virtually sleeping and working and nothing else.


I was very pleased that it wasn't me and even more that we had found the slot in our schedules to get together before I had to go away for a week for work.


I arrived in my new leather jeans and boots which Master and His Alpha liked (though Master did comment they would look better tighter - which I agree with but it's difficult if you are buying mail order and don't know the fit.*)


Master defiantly liked the look as he kept me in them, until we started "playing" rather than have me naked as usual.


After a while chatting and getting up to date, and having a coffee, he took me into the playroom and used the belt across my arse while I stood holding the frame. This got quite intense as he placed half a dozen across my arse from each direction then changed sides and placed them from the other. He repeated this several times and I lost count but must have been well over 50.


He then took me to bed where I served his body, both stroking his skin and sucking and licking his cock, nipples, arse and feet. He squeezed my balls and I bathed in the pain I'd been missing.


After some time of this play Master piled up some pillows on the bed and got me to hug them while laying face down on top of them - at first I didn't know what was coming, maybe a fucking? Then I thought Master was going to continue abusing my arse when I guessed he left the room to get some implement. In fact when he returned it was to show my back a new experience as he laid the belt across that.


He followed the same type of pattern he had on my arse as he placed half a dozen across my back from one side of the bed then changed sides and placed them from the other. He repeated this several times and again I lost count, but must have been well over 50. I thanked him for balancing the pain across my body as this is easier to take than a continuous assault from the one direction and the look is more balanced with the bruises.


Of course I sucked my Master to completion and was allowed the gift of his cum - Thank you Master - yum!


Now away for a week - but hope to spend more time when I get back - it is the bank holiday weekend ;-)


*I think that it would be better to get made to measure but that would be more expensive, perhaps I'll find a shop when i get some next time so I can try them on first - but these fill a need I had in case Master wants to take me to a dress code club.

Photos, chats and dinner

Just returned from Master's - went round to drop off my photos of our trip out on Monday, as well as show off my new harness. Master then invited me for a meal. Master gave me a copy of his pics from Monday, some great pics in both sets, as well as the usual number of not so good ones.

Master cooked a nice meal and after we chatted about the content of the blog and Master gave me some food for thought about my perspective on things I'd said.

I told Sir that I wanted to be pushed some more with some more pain and he said he'd have to do that.

History of a sub Part 2

I left part 1 of my History with the cliffhanger "Up until that point I had never had sex with someone without it being SM based, that changed when I went to see a guy from a premium ad line…"


As I re-read this I misread it myself, so thought I best clarify. By the above I meant that all the sex I had taken part in had included SandM - the premium sex line guy was no different, he had left an advert on the line asking for applicant to take part in some SandM sex play. It wasn't that he wanted sex without and lured me onto the vanilla side. Far from it it was that the SandM sex was too scary.


As this is over 20 years ago now you'll excuse my not recalling all the details - but what I do remember is when I rang I ended up speaking to his slave who needed my number to get his master to call back. I nearly stopped there as I didn't usually give out my number - long before the days of mobiles. However I gave it and the master called back. As I said I can't say I recall all the conversation but he was dominant and I remember among other things he wanted to know if I bit my nails. When I said I didn't he told me he wanted them cut to the quick. He also told me that during the session I would be caned with 12 strokes, if I went that was non-negotiable. This was more than I had taken and his whole tone was such as to scare me a bit to be honest, and with the requirement to cut my nails I was almost pushed into forgetting the whole thing again.


However I didn't and duly turned up at the appointed time with nails cut to the quick and so on. Where I'd turned up was one of his slave's places, and it was his slave who opened the door to me. His master hadn't quite arrived but I was told to go into the front room and strip awaiting his arrival.


A couple of minutes later he did and after a few perfunctories I was ordered to lick various parts of him. Now to place this in perspective I do have to point out that I was a bit of an innocent abroad and that to date my sexual play had been limited to masturbation (mutual or otherwise) and that we were still in the AIDS panic of the mid 80s so when he ordered me to lick both his arse and cock I was reluctant to say the least.


He used the refusal as an excuse to punish me and proceeded to tie me down over a saw horse (which had been in the room for the purpose). Of course whatever had happened I would have been caned - it had been part of the deal from the start.


I was then given 12 stokes of the cane, hard and cold with no warm up. I was left cold and hurting, and turned very off - it had been the hardest punishment I'd had to date and I have further comments I'll save for later in the account.


I was then told I would be shaved and the slave came in to do that. About here the details get hazy and not just because of the distance in time. I do remember that I almost fainted and I think there was about something like deep heat involved as there was some use of eau-de-cologne to wipe it way after the fainting spell or something. I was released to sit down on the floor (with some towel under me as my caned arse was weeping from the cane cuts) but I honestly cannot remember the details and some of what I've written may be inaccurate in detail / order.


However what I remember next was that we started chatting, the three of us, and I relaxed and started to get hard both from the conversation and situation. The upshot being that the master decided he would take me back to his place and we could have the cuddle and sexual service - the bit that I probably needed (and presumably he did as he was turned on by the caning). I remember he said to me that he always had to inflict pain as part of sex and had a string of slaves, with his slave whose house we met in never being without bruises.


So I followed him back to his place - he on his bike, me in my car and into his house. He lived in a bungalow and he took his canes and stood on a chair placing them into the roof space through a loft hatch. This because he lived next door to his parents who might pop in he said.


After some coffee we went to bed and I licked him and otherwise serviced him but still not sucking. After he came we turned over to sleep but I could not. Perhaps the sexual frustration, perhaps the sore arse, perhaps the sexual presence of a large dominate man next to me (remember I was a virgin and indeed I think this was the first person I'd ever shared a bed with. Anyway I don't know, but I do know that not sleeping got me touching him in his sleep and he woke up.


Now he got excited and this was when he told me that I'd have to pay the price for disturbing him, he wanted to cum again and that meant someone had to be in pain; me!


He went to his wardrobe and took out a belt and holding me face down, flat to the bed, laid the belt full force across the backs of my thighs - again there was no lead up, no sexuality and no mercy (unless you count the fact he avoided my weeping and damaged arse - though that could also have been to avoid blood on his belt) and the 12 stokes I took certainly hurt.


A couple of hours later and still very early in the morning I got up and left. He said, as I was leaving, to let him know if I wanted to meet again and I promised I would.


Over the next couple of days I had to place toilet paper in my pants to avoid them sticking to the weeping welts, but eventually they scabbed over and healed. The bruises on my thighs also disappeared taking a couple weeks to go but they were black and blue for a week or more. I could see in the mirror that the main problem with the cane strokes was caused by a few of them all meeting on the same spot, whether this was by design or poor aim I'll never know. My only contact since was the call I made to his slave (the only number I had, to tell him I wouldn't be back - I always keep my promises; my word!) and that call was very perfunctory.


What I do know is that I vowed to myself not to go back, nor indeed to ever get involved in such heavy stuff again! It was a couple of years before I did anything in SandM at all and at least five before I took any CP. And the cane? Well it must be fifteen years before I took that again and indeed even now it's probably no more that half a dozen times I've been caned in my life including the above and those before that time.


I moved into more regular sex and have had a couple of partners since neither of who were into pain, and certainly not into giving it, so it has dropped out of my life pretty much until I split up each time. After the last one I decided that this was my last chance to find a relationship which included a dominate / SandM element, so now I have to see how things develop, but I'm looking!


I have reflected on that session several times over the years, oddly when driving through the area for work one day the memory came back and I was instantly hard, and almost regretful!

I honesty believe that had he been a little more tuned into my psyche, he could have led me in. If he had asked me after a couple of strokes if I preferred more, or to suck his cock for instance, I think before he got to 8 he'd have had my mouth round he cock; and I would have been turned on more for the rest! He could have accessed and nurtured my submissive tendency, instead he spurred on the rebel who is generally dominant in me anyway!


The whole event, my whole life could have been different - but there you are, not a regret, a story and who knows what could have happened if things had been different.


I do know that as things happened he stunted my development as a slave/sub and it has taken many years to return to the path, but he has always been a presence in my conciseness - perhaps that's what he wanted.

Another fucking, another flogging...

Last week I went over one evening to see my Master and we caught up with what had been going on with each other as Sir had been very busy with important personal things.

We ended up with some casual fun, some pain with Master torturing my toes and then me licking his feet. Master then got me on my stomach and then got on top and fucked me. During the fucking he got his arm round my neck and pressed…

The next thing I knew it was like waking up in the morning in a strange bed. Where am I? Yes I'd passed out - I'm not sure about this sensation it's very weird. When I actually wake up from sleep I know where I am - but this? Well it can take several seconds to know where I am. It can be a bit scary as I seem to lose all short term memory for a while.

But all in all, a good evening.

I knew that Master was busy at the weekend, so I wasn't expecting much contact and when I hadn't heard from Master before Sunday morning I decided to cook myself some dinner. Hardly had I finished it than I got a text from Master asking what i was doing in an hour or so. I replied I had nothing planned whereupon he asked me out to lunch with his Alpha.

The outcome was that I accompanied my Top Pair (Master and Alpha) out to a carvery though I kept to a starter and sweet having eaten dinner. Master's Alpha had recently purchased a full leather cops uniform made to measure and he wore that. He looked good in to too - very handsome, very hot. During the meal I had to say to Master that since I'd met them both, and since Sir had placed me into some leather I had started to be very interested in getting some myself - nothing fancy but perhaps a waistcoat like Sir and a harness like the one Master had put me into weeks ago.

After the meal, I offered to take them back to mine to spend some time in the garden and indeed we did, and we chatted. During the conversation I was a little cheeky, and Master's Alpha said he ought to flog me. I said we best head back to their place then (also cheekily), but it wasn't too long before we did.

Once there I was soon naked, standing in their Frame while Sir proceeded to flog me. Master make some comment to Sir about the flogging, (which I didn't catch) before retiring to leave Sir to it while he went for a nap as he was tired.

I'd counted 55 strokes when Sir stopped. I was pleased he had paused as it was getting to a point where each stroke was becoming heavy. I was expecting a second set but Sir had other ideas. Taking out a pair of tit clamps from his pocket where he carries them, he proceeded to place them on my nipples. These are the type with sharp teeth and it wasn't long before they were hurting as he pulled them about by their chain. Meanwhile I was instructed to take Sir's cock and simultaneously play with his nipples with my hands - obviously not as harshly is mine were being treated.

This action moved into the lounge where Sir got me kneeling while he laid back to accept my cock worship. After a while he took the tit clamps off and replaced them in a different position. This he did again and again while wanking himself and torturing my nipples. After a while he asked if I knew what he was doing. He told me he was edging himself to my pain. I was pleased to be of such service to Sir. I also enjoyed finding how much I could take as each time the clamps were re-attached and the pain shot through me.

Eventually Sir came and allowed me the gift of his spunk, but by then my nipples had been pretty much been switched off by my brain, with only the most intense pain getting through. Simple touching them I could hardly feel. My nipples were to come back to life though and for the next couple of days were sore reminders of the Sunday afternoon very nice.

Thank you Sir.

Master awoke from his nap feeling refreshed and while his Alpha went off to go online, Master and I chatted, he then decided that he wanted to practice some more bastinado but only on one foot. This seemed odd and unbalanced as I expected Master to move onto the second foot and oddly while not wanting it one one level, I kinda missed not having the second foot spanked - very odd.

We then ended up in bed where he got me servicing him before more chatting where we spoke about some of the things he wanted to try out on me, from caning through sounds to some other forms of breath control, with masks to long term bondage and even sensory deprivation.

The first I've experienced before and indeed I will have to write part two of my history which covers why I probably didn't become a slave earlier in my life but suffice to say at the moment that caning was involved. Since then however I've had some good, if hard, experiences too, so it's something that I often think with part of my brain I want, but look towards with trepidation and fear that it'll happen too.

As to the other things, with sounds I don't know (though once someone placed a catheter down my knob and that was painful for a week every time I peed). Sensory deprivation? Hmm maybe for a while but I'm sure Sir would want it to go beyond what I might fancy - that being the point? Tight bondage just seems it'd be likely to hurt over a long time and not in a good way - but we'll see, or at least I'm sure I will.

Musings and History of a sub Part 1

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A great loss - or when is it good to lose something?

Yesterday Master asked me over for the day.

Had a really nice day with him and his Alpha being on the one hand a bit domestic and on the other some great sex.

We started off about mid morning, when I arrived early as there was little traffic on the bank holiday at 10:00 in the morning, with a drive out the the supermarket where I pushed the trolley round while Master and Sir did their shopping. Was nice to just wander round being useful and helpful. (Well I hope so - they probably thought I was getting in the way - lol).

Anyway on the return we picked up a takeaway and after eating this settled in for the afternoon.

Before long Master took me to bed for a cuddle and some sexual play which quickly and unexpectedly expanded into a threesome when Master invited his Alpha to join us and before long I was in the middle of a spitroast!

I was delighted as this was something I'd always fantasied over but had never achieved. All the previous times I've been in a three way I've usually ended up being a fucker rather than a fuckee, and the only times I've been fucked it's been while the other guy watched, or maybe snogged me.

Anyway from losing my spitroast virginity the afternoon moved up a gear when Master and his Alpha decided that his Alpha would flog me. Taking me into their play room I was stood against the frame, spread between the bars while Sir laid into my back. He also spread the effect across my sides and buttocks a little, though being very careful to cause no damage to my lower back as Sir is as knowledgeable as our Master.

Master took some great photos as you can see.

It was then back to the bedroom where Sir gave me his cock to suck while my nipples were gripped by the tight jaws of Sir's nipple clamps. Meanwhile Master decided it was time my feet were paid attention and began slapping them about a bit.

All three of us then came, myself while Master hugged me from behind and did things like play with my nipples.

Master then went to do some work on the computer and Sir and I cuddled and rested.

Later Master took his turn at cuddling up and being pampered by my mouth and hands for a pleasant end to a great day.

Collared and cuffed

Went with Master and Sir to Collared on 27th. Sir placed a holding collar around my neck as I have not got a proper full time one as yet. I thought I looked ok Sir and Master certainly did in leather. Sir in rubber underneath too!

On the way we had some food and arrived at the venue (which was a new one) a while after the start but even so there wasn't a great deal going on. We found a few people I recognised in the bar area but I was at a bit of a loss as in what to do. The people I knew where already involved with others and I never want to push myself in, I was also conscious that I didn't want to follow Master or Sir around like a lost puppy and be a nuisance.

Anyway both Master and Sir seemed bored with the event which was quiet in fact and they were both a bit less than enamoured with the event which they compared unfavourably to other SandM club nights - though Sir has said since that given it is a new venue they should give it more than one go before deciding on it.

It wasn't a bad price at £5 a head though if you ask me. But what do I know it was my first fetish club event and I've never been a club person anyway.

On returning to their flat I was treated to pleasant end to the evening sucking cock and the like.

While we were on the train Master had asked me if I wanted to play second string to him in a session where we would take another sub and abuse him. He showed me a text thread where he had been arranging things and I agreed to help out on the 30th.

I was looking forward to this, which would be a new experience. But in the end the guy never turned up. Sir did decide to spank me the number of times for my Birthday and put me over his knee. But didn't tell me in advance to count and I didn't so I got quite a few more which as my age is quite a lot anyway nowadays meant a warm bum to start the evening.

Anyway with no word from the sub we three all went out and had a nice meal instead. I do feel quite at home with the two of them who I am becoming increasing fond of. Sir showed me a behaviour I picked up on, of waiting for Master to return to the table before starting as Master was away when the waitress delivered the main course. He was of course quite right and I was pleased I'd picked up on it without anyone saying but just by Sir's good example.

Returning to the flat we chatted and had coffee but before long Master was talking about going to bed so I was brushing teeth and the like when I saw that Master was up again and in the play room looking through stuff. When I came out of the bathroom instead of heading into bed I was ordered into the play room where Master's leather cuffs were fixed around my wrists and I was strung up to the frame. I was then thrashed, on my back with a flogger quite a bit, and on bum a bit but particularly on the inside upper thigh - particularly on right leg with Master's crop - a favourite tool of his.

Sir kept on with the one spot on the thigh until I could take no more and had to get way. I'm sure at some point he will decide to just tie me in place and keep going and I await that with some trepidation.

As in fact with a lot of the scenes, I think about things and fantasise, but also dread the reality of it. From Chastity to being collared 24/7 to just being tied and struck more than I'd choose to, I dream and fear at the same time. I guess I need to be made to submit more.

However I don't want to request from Sir what he doesn't think I'm ready for nor to get a reputation for bottling it after I've asked for something, or of trying to run the scene for the sub role; something completely anathema to me.

Anyway I'll have to see what Easter brings - I know Master is busy but maybe I'll be lucky and we'll meet up at some point over the holiday.

Miss them both and they are often in my thoughts - though I don't know if they feel similarly - I hope and think they do.

A weekend with the family...

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Master Himself and I

Part 7 - 3rd February '10

Last night I went to visit Master Himself again. As i said in my previous entry, that I only posted recently, my intention was to speak to him about my feelings regarding ownership, but I didn't want to soil the whole evening with my problems but spend some good time serving Sir and give him and I some fun.

I prepared for the evening starting in the morning when i was shaving for work, by including my body – chest cock and balls legs etc (i had previously veeted round my arse at the weekend) as i wanted to try moving towards Sir's ideal.

When i got in from work as well as getting something to eat i and doing to normal cleaning route I also clippered out any hairs i could find below my neck including my arms – i was much closer to cleanshaven than ever in my life.

When I arrived at Sir's flat I was let in by his Alpha and went, as per standing orders, immediately to strip off – and presented myself to Sir.

He seemed very pleased with my efforts to be cleanshaven and started stroking me all over.

He then took me into his play room along with a chair which he ordered me onto, fixing me in place with duct tape, around my wrists behind the back of the chair, around my chest and the chair back and lifting my feet off the floor fixing them to the legs of the chair.

My legs fixed apart and my cock and balls tied up out of the way he proceeded to use his crop on the inside of my thighs reddened then nicely and then continued through to a painful punishment marks which have bruised up well since. I was very pleased with myself as i took the pain well, mostly under control, and looking at Sir with the desire i was feeling.

Sir then very carefully went onto placing a couple of pegs onto my cock and balls with particularly squeezing one onto that most painful spot where the foreskin meets the shaft on the underside. The frenum.

That hurt like the blazes – and went on and i couldn't seem to find a sub space with it – i was making far took much noise and Sir put his hand over my mouth to get me to contain it, which then i mostly did, though with difficulty... I obviously couldn't do a thing about it unless i was to use a safe word (which to me just means asking the master to stop really as i've never seen the point of saying “stop” if you don't mean it. A different kink i don't get.) I certainly didn't want to do that, as i always see it as a failure, both in my service to the master i'm supposed to be serving and to myself, feel as i let myself down in what i've promised to them. I got through it as i had to and just surrendered to it.

After this and including some significant breath control of the mouth to mouth hold the subs' nose kind, (and while creating pain elsewhere), Sir released me; with the duct tape pulling at my shaved skin in the painful way it does.

Sir then decided it was time for a rest and relax so we laid down in the front room on the sofa, during our conversation the time came earlier than i'd expected or wanted to raise the matter of my thoughts and get out in the open. So turning to him I laid out the problem i felt about ownership as i'd blogged about here in the last upload.

I surprised myself by getting quite emotional – i had made the decision in my head for, i felt, the right reasons but my emotional involvement was still wanting me to follow a different path. I want his collar. Though my logical self says i cannot have it – things will only get worse in the longer term.

As you can imagine we spoke around this a lot – Master Himself saying that he was feeling that connection to me and was a little surprised by it but was prepared to go through with it and see where it led.

In a way this was nice and complimentary of course, but it also makes me feel guilty that this is offered with all the love and commitment and i'm avoiding it. Sir hugged me in my emotional upset which as well as feeling so nice made me feel more guilty.

As i said we spoke for some time about this but wanting to move away from the sensitivity of the subject, we got more sexual. This progressed to servicing Sir's cock which is always a pleasure, trying to get it as far down my throat for as long as possible i'm afraid can get very messy with spittle and even some choking. We did end up 69ing and Sir held my head tight onto his cock. Then after a while Sir got me to lay, with my feet over the edge of Sir's bed and taking his crop, bastinadoed my feet. This is always painful and not my favourite (if one can have a favourite) punishment. It hurts and i find it far more difficult to take the pain. It doesn't help that Sir leaves my feet able to squirm about. I think that the crop is very painful.

In fact after a set of strokes on both feet separately Sir paused and I was able to service Sir's cock again. We fell into discussing the ownership question again and i expressed my upset and sorrow as we cuddled. I told Sir a large part of me wanted to serve him and asked what he would like – he then got me to take another set of strokes to my feet with the crop.

This set was extremely painful and seemed to last even longer.

With some more cuddling, kissing and stroking of Sir's body to pleasure him, the evening was coming to an end. I knew we would meet again, but after all out discussion i was just as confused as i was at the start of the evening about what i wanted, and was the best thing to do.

I had said to Sir that i felt we needed more social interaction, as that will need to be in the mix of an ownership relationship and we have not had so much of that, so I have little idea how that would work out between us.

The next day as I started to write this i sent Sir the following message on Recon:

“Sir - Feedback: it was painful to walk across the road to get into the car last night - though a bit better this morning (not that I've been out yet of course Sir) i'm glad i didn't have to walk down to the station this morning.”

That bastinado is really bad stuff.

Ownership?

What does it mean? Part 1

In my last entry I wrote "What does ownership mean? " This echoed a conversation i had with a guy online the other week, and has been a recurring theme in my thoughts so i thought i'd share them, and some of what has been said by me, both with the guy online and with Master Himself.

I had been chatting to the guy from a well known gay social website about this blog and the issues it covers as he is a sub guy too, though he is not into the pain aspect of submission but has a boyfriend who. though not adverse to a bit of rough sex doesn't instigate it.

Anyway the conversation went a bit like this ...

me (about the blog) i should be adding some more over the weekend as going to visit a Master (not mine - sorta on loan i guess lol) and I also have an issue i probably need to write up because my (as i've sorta thought about him up to now) Trainer, wants to move me onto ownership.

online guy - Another Master? Is he hiring you out? Not sure I can comment. It's an alien way of life to me, I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

me - No, in reality - i met this guy before a couple of years ago - so this is like a delayed repeat - but i did get permission first this time as involved in training and my trainer (Master Himself) is starting to get serious about ownership - and while it is a little scary it is exciting. but a big step and commitment - like getting into a relationship i think i'm up for it, but he has conditions which will push me

online guy - What does ownership actually involve?

me- that's a very interesting question - i think it would vary as much from Master to Master as a question; like what does marriage involve would vary between couples.
Basically i'd say being at the Master's disposal - attending to them sexually or whatever you have agreed to when they want you - want to do something (beyond day to day activities like going to work / shopping) then check ok with him etc etc 


Exactly what would depend on intensity and distance and how many slaves a master might have. Mine already has a live in slaveboy for household chores - also his boyfriend. So i won't be doing the washing or ought lol At least not at first

online guy - Do you have to walk behind him and stuff? Do chores for him?

me - If he wanted me to - i would yes - why does my cock stir as i type that?

online guy - Because it's your sort of kink. I can understand that. What if you do a poor job? Would he punish you?

me - hopefully - well you've seen the blog - i'd want to be corrected and made a better slave for him. Doesn't that make sense to you?

online guy - It makes sense to me, it's just not for me, that's all. I'd want autonomy. I'd let a Master mistreat me at my permission. It's not quite the same thing. 
But you enjoy it. You clearly like it.
Do you want to worship this man?

me - i don't think i'd define it as worship - some might define licking feet / arse / cock or changing ones appearance etc etc as worship. 
Alternatively you can say love / devotion and doing what you are told is akin to what children do in relation to a parent 
so it is semantics to some extent

online guy - So what do you see him as? Lord, master, parent, god? I'm curious.

me - At the moment - a friend - a fuck buddy - a fellow traveller on my journey into s and m (he has already taught me a lot) - but sometimes getting to a mental position where "Master" seems appropriate. 
I don't think it'll be unthinking blind obedience - but it is about choosing the right person for you of course - and ultimately (in reply to your point about "with your permission") you are only there because you want to be.

What I didn't tell him, but part of what is playing on my mind is what i've discussed with Master Himself while chatting about the issue, what expectations he would have…

Master Himself and i have had several chats online while he has been away, including matters of ownership too as that was a hot topic just before he left. It specifically arose when we were speaking about a job i could maybe help him out with in his flat. I said "if i can help - i'm at your beck and call Sir, as you know (why does that make me get hard Sir?)
Master Himself: I know boy. And I have an idea why you're getting hard. Because you're availing yourself to my purpose, surrendering yourself to me. Letting me own you, bit by bit…. you know I'll be roping you in, inch by inch.
me: Sir it has certainly been on my mind a lot on and off Sir, it is little frighting Sir
Master Himself: All I feel is growing trust from you.
me: Sir - trust is not all i feel Sir (i meant i was feeling a lot of warmth and frighteningly love. Why frighteningly? Because you can expose yourself a lot when you start to think not with your mind - but with your emotion) None of what i wrote in brackets was said however - but i don't think i needed to - because Master Himself replied "I know, you told me a few times already."

Well, that was a good chat i felt - i felt a lot of warmth coming from Sir, and his desire for owning me made me feel wanted and good.

A couple of days later and i can tell you i'd been thinking about the above quite a bit. We had another conversation and while speaking about what role he saw me 'performing' outside sex and sm, if we extended things beyond sex and sm, we spoke about some of the issues and Master Himself told me that he usually requires boys he owns to be smooth from the neck down.

Wanting me to be shaved and cleaned in a scene was something he'd mentioned before and i'd been thinking about it as it isn't something i've really done, (apart from shaving my pubes as an adolescent to see what that felt like, it had itched so much i hadn't thought it something i'd want to try again, so I never have).

However i hadn't been thinking about it as a permanent situation, just an occasional, "game", so i was a little taken aback. I've read about such arrangements on websites but never thought i might be expected to be permanently hairless, I replied therefore: Sir - it's something i'd considered as i think you said something about this before - something to discuss - in theory the look isn't the big problem the issues i have are the work / time / effort / method to achieve it and the discomfort. He was pleased, i think, as he then said: ok, good, we'll agree on the principle, then we'll think on the how.

I was certainly not panicked but definantly discomforted but not really knowing how to express that just said that my problem is not so much the pubic areas but those which are potentially visible when dressed, particularly my lower arms - which i wear exposed at work. Master Himself said that Lower arms are always the area boys raise. Which is why I usually do that part first. "So when you say below the neck" I asked to clarify, "you are speaking about a complete body shave?"

His single word answer "yes"came as a solid wall of an answer i had run into.

---

Of course this conversation is abridged as there were other topics in the mix as well as more detail, but that answer is complete and it's solidness and finality brought me down to reality.

This man isn't playing, he wants me, but he wants me on his terms as his boy, his slave, he wants me submissive, obedient and, as he said in a later conversation about this, with a hairless body which will remind me of my position.

Now parts of my mind cry out No! Other parts, wow great, and i feel confused about what i want. If this was a dominant boyfriend i'd been seeing for a few months, having sm sex with and who i was moving in with, it would be less of a issue i think; though some of the underlying practicalities and worries would still be there.

So what is the difference? Probably none, it just seems a big issue in my mind. it would certainly be a commitment to both sm sex and to Master Himself.

Clean shaven like that is such an image of kink that i think it would be difficult to contemplate sex outside the relationship with him and his slaves. But would i be wanting, or allowed, that anyway?

So from the free agent, i've been since my ex and I broke up and even a couple of years before that somewhat, when he and i opened up our relationship to occasional casual sex, to a chaste owned slave. Yet Master and I (for that is what he would be) would not be in that situation with my having a person "on tap" for cuddles and chat. On the other hand as i stand at the moment i don't have anyone like that now! (How sad that makes me.)

So what would I be giving up, in ownership? The chance to meet someone else off some dating / social website of making another relationship, finding another partner. And by not taking up Sir's offer? The pleasure of pleasing Him, the sessions i enjoy, a relationship with sm included that i've wanted.

Being his slave will probably open doors i probably would not even see without him, both in life and in my mind …

Life is a great adventure - perhaps i should just go for it.

… to be continued