Review of the year (particularly the last bit)

Well what to say? I've apologised so many times about not keeping this blog up to date that it is pointless to do it again. I do feel guilty about it, but when you are busy at work and so on finding the time and the motivation isn't easy.

When I started it, it was in response to the Master I was seeing having one himself and his encouraging me to do similar as a way of expressing myself and of his being able to see how I was feeling about what we were doing.

You know if you've read through those early times how I was enjoyed the learning experience, but adjusting to the idea of serving, particularly in adjusting my behaviour, or altering my look in ways which I hadn't considered before, was taking time. But I think I was getting there when that Master's work went manic and I never got to spend the time I needed with him.

So eventually I started looking for other people. I found the Master in East London who wanted so much and also wanted it yesterday, this including wanting me to have larger tits which he wanted to stretch, lower hanging balls which again he was going to stretch, and a tattoo (where only someone fucking me would see it proclaiming I was his) so after much heart searching I broke that off

But then I was still yearning for him and the hard hurting sex we had. And I think he was good for me in other ways, though his domination was such that I think I was under his spell! Even thinking about him as I write this my cock stirs.Anyway I got back in contact and in August this year went to see him. Again we had great sex as you can see from this pic.

But again his commitment wasn't there - meeting me in his workspace, or he was happy to come to mine, but any suggestion I should go to his home was not picked up. I should have said that he lived a long way away so that would have been a commitment for me, but I was willing, but he didn't share that interest. Then his work got busy, and he had problems with transportation and other issues so we were not meeting. I used to say hello on Recon when I saw him come on line - but the responses were limited - hello, how are you? still got problems, yes, sort of things.

He seldom started the conversation (well he did call me once on the phone, but only once) I started getting to the point where it seemed like I was making all the running and he was just being polite - in spite of his saying I was one of the best things ever, his actions didn't seem to be saying the same.

So I left him to contact me and really months have gone by and he hasn't - which still leaves me sad.

By the way - he didn't want me to write about us and what we were doing - hence (partly) the reason why posting have dropped off.

Another reason why they did / have, is because not much has been happening to be honest. I had an interesting holiday in Scotland with a number of people who were kink orientated though with a number of other who were not so it was a straightforward holiday with no sex but great fun anyway and quite openly gay most of the time at least.

But since I got back in August my sex life has been non-existent apart from the odd cuddle really - certainly nothing to write up on here.

I have become a regular at Collared and also recently at SM Gays but to date I haven't done anything more kinky than wear a collar and be on a lead at the former.

I've chatted to several people on Gaydar and Recon, as well as at SM Gays but I've not met anyone for various reasons, mostly around my rule that I won't accommodate people I've never met (there are several reasons, perhaps some silly and maybe it should be the subject for a post itself) and neither will they. Or they are a long way away, or they are already in relationships - some with females wanting to do stuff behind their partners backs - far too complicated to get involved with. Sometimes a combination of more than one of these. Though mostly it's been about age v experience, or cowardice or incompatibility with what people say they want But for whatever reason that's where I am, or not as the case may be.

Recently I've been chatting at length with a guy from up North who has said many nice things about me and has written some interesting stuff...

"I'd love to degrade and totally humiliate you, if I could find a place, and I think I know of one, I'd attach you to a st Andrews cross, attach electrodes to your stretched and clamped balls, and one to your cock, I'd put a catheter into you so I could control your piss, the hose would be aimed at your mouth and you'd be wearing a spider gag to hold your mouth open.

I'd make you drink a couple of litres of water before hand.

I'd hang weights, possibly vibrating from your nipples and put pegs on your body.

When I thought your bladder couldn't take any more, I'd open the tap on the catheter and spray your piss down your throat and all over your pathetic body.

All this time, electricity has been passing through your aching balls and down your cock, you're rock hard, but you know that if you cum, I'll tighten the screws on the clamp on your balls and whip your cock.

All this time other guys have been watching you, slapping you, gobbling on you, pissing on you.

After I've finished doing that, I take all my apparatus off you, and use a riding crop on your now very tender body.

I then tie you over a table so your cunt is available, I write on your arse in permanent maker "slave, fuck me, abuse me" then sit back and watch you get raped over and over.

I wouldn't be satisfied until you were sobbing"

...and while some of that is a bit heavy, well some of it would be fun! And nothing is a definite no-no.

Well he is talking about coming to London in the New Year and I expect I'll see him then. If I can wait that long as he sounds so sexy and into so many things I am that I'm seriously thinking I ought to go up and visit him. If he was closer I'd have been there already (if I was welcome) the problem being a cheap ticket you have to book so far in advance it isn't suitable for spur of the moment dashing off to see someone in a city where you've never been to meet a guy you only know from online - but that may change over the next few days if encouraged by him to ....

I've also been asked (ordered?) by another guy I first started chatting to online several years ago to meet him at SM Gays in January to serve him.

He said in out conversation ...

"I think I owe you a beating!" to which I replied "... i'd love to take you up on that Sir"

and that was followed by

"Ok...talk to me after christmas. I want to take you to the hoist and do a hard session there with you .... I can see you moaning like a bitch at the next sm gays as my belt lands on your arse...you completely naked and being made to look your audience in the face...cock flapping about as I hit you!" ....

"Yes...you will have nice bruises to show to your friends after...well at least a nice red arse and back" ....

"Your mates will see you munching on my cock too wont they? Kneeling down lika a good boy, your face buried in my crotch trying to smell my cok thru my jeans and then my briefs....feeling your buttocks nice and warm..." ....

"Do you think they will feel sorry for you? It will be a tough and humiliating session wont it? " ....

Well the answer is obviously yes and painful, and I'm out of practice and never done anything like it in public - so I'm very doubtful at the moment

I want to, but i'm scared to...

Ah well we'll see how I feel on the night!

Finally I was contacted the other evening by some top guy on Recon who said he liked this blog and I ought to write more, well Sir here it is and I hope you like it.

If you want to see more - perhaps you'll think about helping me with a few ideas???

Again apologies for my lack of posts in recent months - I hope now you'll all understand why and forgive me I will not say I'm making a new years resolution to improve nor promise to a particular frequency, but I do promise that until I say otherwise the blog is not dead - when / if it is then I'll post so (even if I took the rest down under some new master's instruction. )

Hope to write loads in the new year as that means i'll be having fun - take care and have fun folks

A quick summary to keep the blog alive

Blimey It's a long time since I wrote anything on this blog.

Just so you know I haven't been having so much sex that I couldn't find the time. I have been busy though, London Pride, social events, even had one or two meets with a little sex involved. (As well as a slaveboy's walk on a very hot day!) But not a lot of sex and not much that would be very interesting to post on here.

I did go to Collared in May (I've missed both events since) which was right at the beginning of this dry period and in fact I was planning to write that up since It was a fun evening and I saw a lot of fun demos - but it would have been nothing but a list of those so I can still do that.

I also went to SM Gays a couple of times but more on the second of those later ;-)

So cast your mind back to collared in May, well when I went downstairs it was to find the Master in Chief preparing some "sauces" for a foot worship demo.

But before all that started there were some other demonstrations of pegs, ropework, and bastinardo!

I was dragged into a dark arch area and my pants pulled down for a quick (though thoroughly welcomed) hand spanking which was good fun as it was delivered by a cute guy I've been flirting with - unfortunately very spoken for!

The pups were out in force and are always fun to watch - but then the foot-session started....

First one of the regular's feet were strapped to the leg spread "chair" they have so that his soles were well exposed, then they were strapped quite thoroughly which TBH is more fun to watch I think than be on the end of (as I have a few times.)

Then the guy who had been doing the strapping got on the floor while a couple of other regulars sat on the chair with their feet out and they had them worshipped. This culminated in the sauces being applied for the foot man to guess what they were.

Baked beans and such were the sauces - but Tabasco sauce was too much and that one ended the demo with a lot of laughter and a spluttering foot sub

Anyway another great evening .... as was SM Gays when a mate of mind ended up being chosen by one of the resident, I think, Tops, who laid on the flogger while also encouraging the mate's partner to learn how to wield the flogger!

Well one of the two had fun! The rest of us just enjoyed the spectacle!

I don't think that my mate the floggee, had taken as much before, the Master certainly doesn't hold back too much, and the noise of that flogger hitting does echo well, he also made him call out the numbers and thank yous. Made me quite jealous.

Only problem with that night is that it's a Thursday and so a school night - though TBH as I have to rely on trains I'm not one for staying too late.

Maybe I should take the car then I could stay late at the weekends at least- not like I'm bothered about the alcohol intake.

Something to think about ...

Finally I will just add that I have met three new people in this period, none through Recon Slaveboys or even Gaydar, who all have a kink interest. None however have I got past first base with. (One I have been to bed with once but it was pure vanilla. Another I did once before, but it didn't take off then.

Anyway hopefully one of them will go somewhere and I'll have some more to write about - lets hops eh?

Complications

It's odd isn't it. Just when you think you know where you are you get a curved ball thrown at you by life, again!

Just before Christmas I found a card through my door from the postie telling me that I had a letter to sign for - now having been there before - I decided that there was little point in my going down on the only day I was at home before Christmas, a couple of days later; and by the time I next going to be at home (today) I decided it'd be easier to get it redelivered.

So this morning there is the postie delivering a Christmas card from Master Himself and his Alpha - that's more than a bit kinky!

Anyway - as I've intimated in the past, I'd felt that there was a dropping off of interest from them before but now, anyway first to digress...

Recently I went out and in a pub started chatting to these couple of guys who I'd thought were together. One was very touchy feelie with the other but then when I was chatting to one while the other went off to the toilet, he said they'd just met that day, and wasn't the guy who'd gone to the toilet really cute.

Well while agreeing I'd have preferred the the guy in the toilet was interested in me than the guy I was chatting to.

Anyway to cut a long story short eventually it was time to go and the "cute" guy who (during the conversation had told us his previous partner had been a bit kinky - well it came up in conversation!) went off with me, and we ended up snogging on the street - which I'd never done before!

Well after chatting for an hour I'd had a good time and are defiantly going to meet for something more!

Then this morning while awaiting the postie I get a message from a guy on Recon I've been chatting to, (the one in East London I mentioned before?) a very experienced who not only sounds sane but who also wants to have me over for a session with a view to getting into something heavier! Now I'd thought he'd lost interest as I thought he must have recoved from the Christmas flu, but no he is still dealing with the tail end of it and wanting to be fully fit so as not to pass it on and is still very interested - another long conversation today wearing my phone battery down!

So here I am with a really nice couple who I've got to know quite well and had some real good and novel experiences with and who want to continue with our relationship, though who have not had the time in recent months to spend the time on it, so I've been languishing.

A really nice guy I'd like to get to know more who I just met and who seems to be open to some kink play, and a Master with experience who also wants to help me on my journey!

And this is without the guy I was talking about last time who likes it rough and who also wants to get to know me more!

This is all getting a bit tricky, but nothing has actually happened yet!!!

My First Boyfriend

As I said in the previous post the guy from the beach called me in the following week. This was really the first time I had been pursued by someone, and I went to see him that weekend.

As I have said previously and can be seen from the blog title this is a sex life blog, with a particular slant to BDSM so bearing that in mind and wanting to protect both my identity and importantly my ex’s I will not be naming him (or any subsequent ones to be clear) nor giving more than passing details, however…

He and I subsequently spent every weekend together for the next year. 

I lost my anal virginity to him in both ways and a year or so later he moved in with me.

We then spent the following year, happily to begin with but gradually drifting apart. 
Probably in part because he was not really used to living with someone full time, but mostly I think because I was even more unused to living with someone from a different background.

I’d only lived alone, which comes with its own problems, or with my family and of course as siblings and parents you are one unit that live according to the rules, tradition, quirks and routines you have received from your parents, and each other, as you've grown up.

So within a couple of years we were on the point of breaking up, though actually he became a lodger and we lived together for years though we led separate lives in sex and semi-detached otherwise.

I write this as though it was clean – of course it wasn’t I was very upset, and hoped for a year or more after he moved into the spare room to reignite it…
But that wasn’t to be and I spent the next 5 years or so sowing wild oats as a single man (to use a hetreo euphemism) while still living with him, indeed we still lived together when I met my next partner… but more of that later.

A couple of notes on this relationship are that while I have never stopped liking him and he was the guy who introduced me to many gay areas of life and was my first experience in many others – from slow dancing in a gay club, to anal sex. 

However he had no interest in BDSM. 

Also while we had our arguments and upsets as we broke up, in my heart I have always, and will always have, a soft spot for him, and when he left it wasn't in any way acrimonious.
Iindeed though we now live in different cities and I seldom him any more, we stillexchange emails/texts from time to time and very occasionally visit.

30 odd years later we are still friends. 

Early Outings 2 - First BDSM

So given the title does this post continue from the previous? No actually it fits into the time I was doing nudism in the summer with the wanking in the woods and BDSM in the winter (when I wasn’t worried about exposing bruised buttocks cos I was naked).

This was all before I met the “guy there in the woods who was definitely gay ... stayed overnight” with who was called Peter. 

But I've pulled it out for a separate post as it was certainly a major experience at this time in my life.

So the time is around 88-89 I had moved on from finding “escorts” in magazine adverts, to premium telephone connections (and then to pay up front phone lines)

Though I believe i contacted him thogh those lines we of course had moved from there to landlines directly and had a longer conversation but I forget many details.

In the conversation it became very clear he was quite dominate, then and subsequently I found out he had a “slave” (submissive?) whose house I was initially directed to and he had his own business something to do with motorbikes. 

Also in order to meet him I had to commit to taking 12 strokes of the cane and was required to either bite my nails, or cut them to the quick as he obviously had that fetish/requirement. He also told me my genitals would be shaved. Remember this was a commitment before I’d even seen his picture as this was a phone line and preparatory to a single initial meeting.

Anyway I did all this and turned up at the designated time and place between Purley and Banstead. Even waiting before ringing the bell as I was a little early and didn’t want to earn bad marks against me as I was warned to turn up "on time", neither early nor late!

When I rang the bell, a slim guy opened to door and took me inside to the front room where a saw horse was set out with straps towels etc. He told me his master hadn’t arrived yet and to wait here, remove my clothes and kneel awaiting him.

When the Top arrived he asked his slave if I’d arrived on time and then checked over my hands etc. He was a well build large guy, good looking and with a no-nonsense demeanour! 

The Top then proceed to get me to suck lick him – now at this point I need to explain something. 

I was a virgin both orally and anally, HIV infections were continually increasing particulaly in gay men and no one knew what exactly was the cause. Stories included poppers being involved, to a virus which had only been named in 1986. Against this background there was a lot of hysteria and misinformation (and indeed non-information) about exactly how infectious it was circulating in the media. So a virgin like me who was you’ll remember awfully shy and nervous was (I see in retrospect) overly cautious and so…

When the Top told me to move onto sucking his cock Idemurred, I would lick it and around it but not take the whole thing into my mouth, nor lick his anal area.

Well he asked me what should happen to me for refusing and of course being punished was the next step. When asked, I suggested 6 strokes, expecting perhaps to get the required 12 either in two batches or maybe get away with 6, But the Top said no 12! 

But first he he wanted me shaved around my genitals and called his slave in who did that, and wiped over the shaved area with some aftershave type balm. 

I was then tied over the horse with my arms and ankles tied one to each of the four legs 

I was helpless.

He then laid 12 strokes across my arse. The first few were painful, they felt full force. 

This was no makeshift paddle laid across the moving target of a school boy’s backside, over his pants and trousers; this was a cane, made for the purpose, applied to the presented, immobile, naked arse of a sub, mentally unprepared. never in my life had a felt the cane!

The following number were also full force and must have crossed as there was more pain and where they crossed the cane cut into the skin, one mark let a little blood and a couple of other, less damaged areas, wept plasma. 

I almost fainted.

Whether the shock of the pain caused the light-headedness, or the hanging of my head below my knees, or the smell of the aftershave balm … or a bit of all three I don’t know, but the Top released me to recover.

We (the three of us including his slave) chatted while I sat recovering – which I did quite quickly, with topics from HIV and my over cautiousness (he told me a doctor friend of his was up on the latest information and oral sex was not seen as a massive risk), to other areas I don’t really remember: but during our chat I got turned on. 

My cock rose (which frankly it hadn’t until now given the cold nature of the interaction and my nervousness) and the Top decided to try something softer and more intimate, and I was instructed to dress and get in my car and follow him on his bike to his place. 

By now, as you’d imagine, it was early hours of the morning and he lived next door to his parents so we entered his place quietly where opening his loft hatch, he reached to store his canes etc there and took me to bed. 

I was required to lick him and press my nose into his arse crack while he wanked off, I was discouraged from doing anything wank-wise myself and didn’t cum, and so to sleep.

However a few hours later i was awake and frustrated, and I was cuddling up to him and woke him up. 

The Top was annoyed at being disturbed after he had got to sleep and decided punishment was needed. As my arse was …. lets say a bit sore, and of course the canes had been put away, he decided that a belt pulled from his trousers and applied 12 times across the backs of my thighs would do.

So I lay face down on his bed driven to tears as his did exactly that while wanking himself off again. 

________________________________

A few hours later, as it got light, I got up and left – he let me out the door telling me which direction to head for home and I guess went back to bed as it was something like five in the morning. I was never in contact with him again though that was down to me I think as I think he left the decision up to me, I seem to remember I called his slave, the only number I had for him to let him know I wouldn't be returning. But as I say it was a long time ago and it’s all a bit hazy.

The aftermath was that in the short term I was sore in the arse and legs area.

I had a lot of bruising on both areas and my underpants stuck to the drying blood and plasma for a few days till the cuts scabbed over properly. 

BDSM was completely off my agenda for years I became more focused on my sun club activities and that led to meeting Peter and his suggestion of a camping trip to Sandbanks, 

However…

I’ve probably thought more about that experience with the Biker Top tmore any other single BDSM event in my life. What would have happened if he had been warmer when I arrived, had instead of going for 12 strokes straight off as a punishment, had instead cajoled me to suck him by talking through my fears, and then said 6, then offered his cock again or another number as an alternative, then again perhaps. He’d have got the 12 in probably… but then maybe had my mouth serving him rather than take another 3 or ….

Also perhaps taking the time to reward me by wanking me off, or standing over me while instruting me to wank off under instruction by the time he counted to…. say 10?

Would I then have returned? Would I have become his slave? How would my life have changed? 

Even given none of the above – would I have acted differently had he had, say, insisted I stay for another chat in the morning, taken more time to insist we met up for a coffee another time … or indeeed if I'd just been more courageous? 

Where would I have been now? Who would I be now? 

Sliding doors! 

Early outings 1

This post covers the time from about 1985-1990.
The beginning starts in 1985 and final paragraph is definitely 1989-90 and at this distance in time of writing (2023) that's as close as I can get. I also cannot claim every event in that time is recorded but it is a flavour of the time between the two dates ... apart from the event covered in Early Outings part 2 . 

As I think I said elsewhere I was very shy – in the end I didn’t lose my real virginity until I was 30! Though I had played about before that.

In this I would say I was in one way lucky as unbeknownst to us the HIV virus was circulating around before we knew what was happening and if I’d been confident I would certainly have had unprotected sex during that time before we knew and may well have been one of the unlucky victims of that terrible disease.

However this is not a nag nor self congratulatory blog but just noting that every cloud has a silver lining, even if the other side is that I wasted many of my most randy years only wanking, (and I have to note the BDSM content of my fantasies was probably higher than most gay teenager of the time!) and later doing that with other men.

So by my mid-twenties I was becoming more frustrated. I was frequenting Soho and other places where harder gay porn could be bought (at great expense before the digital age) so had read many BDSM stories and even seen the videos… but had got to believing sex (at least with others) would never be for me. But then I left home and subsequently decided it was now or never to start new adventures and with heart in hand took two different decisions that led to where I got to. 

The first was not BDSM related, it was to become a member of a “Sun Club” or nudist camp. This purely arose from the desire to get a bit of a tan and hating the feel of sweaty swim wear over my crotch. The surprise to me was that leaving the field, swimming pool and club house  where all the families played games ate and apparently had, lets put it as “saucy parties” on Saturday nights! You could walk around the woods where all sorts went on… including way off in one or two corners, “gay” liaisons!. I put gay in quotation marks as many of these activities were undertaken by “straight men”!  Married, with families sometimes even on the field! I remember one pair of brothers (both who had difficulty pulling back their foreskin) one married one self proclaimed gay!. 

I spent many a happy afternoon or evening there, mutual wanking with different men sometime swapping hands; sometimes just together, but separately. On occasion some bloke would give me a blow job, but I never went that far myself…

I did once meet a gay couple who invited me to their flat in a posh new block on the site of old wharves overlooking Tower Bridge – the view through their large lounge window at night with the Tower and the bridge all floodlit while we writhed on the floor in the dark was something to remember, but sadly not repeated. Maybe cos I didn’t react submissively enough to the wax dropped onto my bare bits… well it was my first time for that! 

Meanwhile when I was following this line in the summer, when it was nice and warm, my winter activities went in a different direction… 

It started one day with some frustration and as the time I had no experience of sex the idea came that I should perhaps pay for the direct experience if no one was going to be interested in approaching the shy guy I was.

So I jumped in the deep end and called a sex worker who advertised in one of the magazines I had. The one I saw that attracted my attention was in Swiss Cottage so one afternoon, having called for an appointment off I went. 

I’m not sure why I went so far. Because it seems more exotic, because the advert just clicked in some way, because he was far enough from where I lived I didn’t worry about meeting him again…? Who knows and lets be honest all these years later the experience is vague and probably misremembered but I do know I was nervous and didn’t take much in the way of punishment, before wanting to end the punishment side of the arrangement. But he was the epitome of help for a nervous newbie and moved to just wanking me off for the money. 

I was a bit annoyed with myself and certainly wanted more.

Subsequently I visited a guy in Tooting several times over a few months and once after that a guy in Brixton. 

The Tooting guy was I think a pleasanter personality, the one in Brixton probably better looking and with a better body, but they were all pure business transactions. None took more than a hour from door open for entry to door open from exit … if that, but I did get what I wanted a wank-off following CP and some fodder for wanks later.

But it was an expensive hobby and times were changing! 

Also my experiences had meant I gained some self confidence - in fact when I was being pestered by some guy at the sun club wanting to suck me off I let him and then forced my above average cock in his mouth more than he expected! 

I also met a guy there in the woods who was definitely gay and he invited me home. Though that was never anything other than some wanking, his was the first place I stayed overnight! And as the summer went on, he suggested a camping trip to Sandbanks and the nudest beach there...